Good Girl // a. i.

Part 16: Lost

Emma's pov

Ashton never talked to me again.

One night, I sat outside the hospital and took out another cigarette. It was dark, with only the light of the closest street ligh keeping me company. I felt empty. I've been feeling empty for weeks. Like I had nothing inside of me other than guilt and pain. I felt like nothing I did was right. When ever I would make a decision, life decided to change course. Like it had other plans that it didn't bother telling me about.

I coundn't help but remember the song. How different everything was back then. When times were better and he actually loved me enough to write songs about me. I took out my phone and listened to the EP. It was called She Looks So Perfect and it only had a few songs. Good girls wasn't one of them. I clicked on the first song and it hurt. I knew exactly what they were singing about. I looked at the description and of course Ashton wrote it. It was happy.

The next song was Heartache On The Big Screen and that's when I stopped. I couldn't listen to any of them anymore. Afterwards, I didn't bother looking them up again. I couldn't even say his name. Everything about him hurt. And it was all my fault.

I got up and threw the cigarette as far as I could. I had gotten the call earlier and made me way to the address. I wanted nothing but to forget and I knew just the thing that would help. I walked under the street lights on a deserted street which was normal at 1 in the morning. When I got there I didn't feel an the same excitement as before. I was excited for a different reason. This was no longer an outlet of frustration. It was an outlet of sadness. I walked in and the familiar smell of drugs and alcohol hit me. The music was loud I could barely hear myself think, which was good because I didn't want to think. My thoughts always seemed to somehow end to him and that's what I wanted to get away from. I grabbed of cup of new and chugged it down. Everytime I was handed a cup I drank it down, not caring. To be honest, I don't remember what would happen after about the 4th drink. My memory would go blank. The only thing I could remember was walking down the alley, remembering what I tried so hard to forget as I walked by the dumpster. I would eventually crawl up to my room and collapse in my bed. Almost every night would be the same. During the day I had plenty to do. I would spend time with my dad in the morning, Alex would insist on taking me out in the afternoon after class, I worked in the soup kitchen during the evenings, and my nights were dedicated to running away from it all. This was all I did for three months. I wasn't happy, but I had no other choice.

Ashton's pov

As time went by, there would be moments when I didn't think about her. It would only be a couple of seconds though, and as soon as those few seconds were over then she would come back stronger than ever, flooding my mind and taking over my thoughts. It wasn't fair. I was suppose to be mad at her, but she was all I could think about. And those few seconds would be when the guys and I walked on stage. For those few seconds nothing else mattered, other than the screaming fans and the energy they gave me. I was happy. She would come back when I sat down and started palying. Most of the songs were about her anyways.

My nights were sleepless and restless. I would spend all night just staring at my ceiling with my earbuds on. It was my only time to think and I would always end up thinking about her. The boys were having the time of their lives in this tour. We performed in small venues and sometimes they sold out which was amazing, but my mind was always somewhere else. I could feel myself getting worse and worse everyday. I wouldn't know where we were or what day it was. I would always be distracted or zoned out. I felt weaker and weaker no matter how much I exercised or worked out. I felt like shit. And I even though she broke her promise, I could help but want her back.

Emma's pov

I would text and call at least once everyday, but he never replied. I didn't think I was being desprete. I never asked him to take me back even though we were never officially together. I knew that was a long shot. All I wanted was forgiveness.

The first couple weeks I would wait by my phone all day. I wouldn't move, just stare at my blank screen hoping to see his name appear, but it never did. I became obsesed, never leaving my phone and always keeping it chraged so I wouldn't miss him. I didn't even know if he saw them or if he cared, but I wanted to let him know that I stilled cared. I was still hurting. But today was different. I didn't text or call today. I wanted to move on. I needed to let go. I thought this was the first step.

It's been a little over 3 months since he left.

I walked out of the hospital and made the familer walk to Alex's. I had a routine and I hated it. Rountines and hospitals were never good. Every Wednesday I would have a little time before working at the soup kitchen so I'd hang out with her. She insisted. I would have stayed with my dad, but as my best friend she made sure I was still ok even if it was only for an hour on a Wednesday.

I didn't even bother knocking. I went straight for her room, the last door on the right. I knoked and let myself in, finding her laying down with her lap top on he stomach and abag of chips at her side. I grabbed the bag and plopped down beside her.

"Hey." I said before putting a handful of chips in my mouth.

"Sup." She replied, not taking her eues of the episode she was watching on Netflix.

I watched with her when I broke the silence.

"I didn't talk to him today."

She paused the episode and shot up making chips fly everwhere.

"Are you ok? what happened?"

I chuckled, appriciating her worry.

"Nothing. Just figured it was time to move on. It's not like he cares anymore. If he did, he would reply." I said stuffing chips in my mouth so I wouldn't cry.

"That's good. I'm proud of you." She nudged me. I smiled at her gratefully.

"Now what's new with The Fosters?" I decided tochange the subject . I didn't want to talk about it anymore. It hurt little more than it usually did.

It was hard to write this chapter cuz everyone is sad and it made me sad, but they're going to be happy soon! Hope you like the story so far and please don't hesitate to comment or vote. I'd appreciate it :)