Salted Wound

Chapter 10 Anastacia- Sep 5, 2018

When I was 13 and Estrella was 11 there was a couple that lived down the street from us, Mr. and Mrs. Reed. They were young and they would invite Estrella and me over to their house quite a lot. Mom was still struggling with losing dad so sometimes it was good to give her some space, so we would hang out with Leah and her husband, Michael.

One day Leah told us that she was expecting her first baby. I was excited for her. Seeing my mom pregnant with Julian was really fascinating and I was very curious about the baby. At the time I knew that sex can lead to a baby, but Estrella didn't, so she had some questions.

"How did the baby get in your belly?" She asked, clueless.

Leah looked at me, hoping I would say something. I hesitated, but I decided she was old enough and has been through a lot. She was always mature with things. She should know. I still made her promise that this was a sister talk, so she wouldn't go off telling mom. So, Leah and I explained the birds and the bees to her and she listened carefully.

"So, Mami and Papi did that?" She asked, shocked.

"Yeah," I answered.

"That's gross. It should be illegal!" She exclaimed and we laughed.

"It's a bit more complicated than that. Having sex should be done with a person you love and are willing to risk everything with, including a baby." Leah explains.

"So, if two people have sex and they have a baby, it's a consequence?" She asked. Leah's mouth twisted.

"Not exactly. See, not everyone is ready, but having a baby is more of a blessing. They change your life more than anything in the world. You'll understand when you're older."

"Babies are loud, clingy, and stinky. I'm not having a baby until I'm 30." Estrella stated, and Leah and I laughed.

Oh, Estrella. If only you kept that promise.

---

I'm able to calm Estrella down. After telling her multiple times that everything is going to be fine, she finally, sort of, accepts it. She's sitting in the kitchen table and I'm by the stove heating up a kettle to make her tea. Once the water is boiling I pour it into two cups and bring them to the table. She's quiet. She has a white t-shirt on and a long red wool cardigan hugging her shoulders. Her hair is up in a messy bun and I was able to get her to wash her face, so it's naked at the moment. I don't know where to start. It shouldn't be normal to have this conversation at this age.

"I'm guessing I'm the only one who knows at the moment," I finally say.

"Yeah," she responds, her voice is raspy.

"I mean I don't want to say the wrong thing, so I'm apologizing right now if I mess up," I say and she looks up. "What happened today? Like what made you decide to take the test?"

She thinks for a minute. "Last night I was on the phone with Adrian and we were just talking, like normal, and he mentioned something about his sister being pregnant and he jokingly said 'we should be next.' I didn't think much of it until this morning. I went to school and everything was normal until I looked at Kayla's plate, and the mashed potatoes with gravy looked good to me." She finishes and looks up at me. I cock my head to the side.

"Your first thought after looking at mashed potatoes and gravy was pregnancy?" I ask, confused. She nods.

I bite down on my lips and try not to break into laughter. She looks at me and a weak smile appears on her face.

"I hate gravy, Staci," she responds, and I stop.

"Oh," she nods.

"So, I called the office pretending to be mom and went to the corner store and bought the test, and here we are now," she gestures the room. I twist my mouth, unable to come up with my next questions.

"I don't know what to do, Staci. I didn't plan this at all. And I'm only a sophomore," she places her head in her hands and I can hear her sniffling again. I move closer to her and put my hand on her leg.

"Hey, I'm sure no one plans this stuff out. It just happens. I'm sorry it happened to you right now, but we need to get our shit together because this isn't a game. We need to find out what you're going to do and fast," I start.

"I don't know if I'm ready to have a baby, and mom will kill me!"

"Yes, she would," I shrug. "But she wouldn't kick you out or disgrace you. She had me around 18 or 19 remember?" She looks at me and frowns. "Come on, we didn't come out bad!" I say, and she smiles.

"I don't know, Staci. I think I really need to think about this. And no telling mom! Sister talk, remember?"

"I won't tell her!" I exclaim. I back away and watch her drink her tea.

"Are you going to tell Adrian?" I ask. Her eyes turn glassy and her body freezes.

"I haven't even thought about that,"

"Would he be ready?"

"Honestly, he isn't a bad guy. He doesn't fuck around with other girls and I would think he wouldn't leave me. Especially from something like this," she motions her stomach.

I've met Adrian a couple of times, and Estrella might be right. He seemed to really like her and was a gentleman. Pretty reserved, but was really open with Strella. I need to meet him a couple more times just to make sure though.

"Should I tell him?" She asks her face weakening again.

"I think that's the responsible thing to do," I say grabbing her hand. She nods and wipes a tear that's falling down her cheek.

"What if I don't keep the baby?" Her voice cracks.

"I mean we can always put him or her up for adoption," I suggest.

"No, I mean not have the baby at all," she says and my body shivers.

"I don't know Estrella. I'm not really on the abortion side," I bite my lip.

"But I'm not ready. I'm turning 16 in a couple of months, I'm a sophomore, we don't have medical insurance, we don't have money, and you're gonna need some since you're going off to college next year." She finishes and my eyes widen. I didn't even think about that. I guess I might not really go to college after all.

"Well, shit," I say, quietly. We sit in the kitchen table in silence.

Since I was little I've been told that abortions were wrong. That everyone has a chance to live regardless if they were in or out of the womb. Tia Gloria has always been religious and I guess we can learn from that, but even without religion I still believe there's always another option. But that's my choice. And I'm not Estrella.

"Strella, I love you. I know this whole thing is tough and unexpected, but I know you're going to make the right choice for you. Whether it's with or without the baby, I will help you get through this," I reach out and grab her hand again. "I promise."

Her nose wrinkles and her lips start to quiver. "Thank you. And remember, this stays between us. Just us." I nod and give her a small smile.

I lean in and giver her a huge hug. Her body is fragile in my arms and I wonder how a body so small like hers can carry a baby for nine months. I feel her tense up and she backs away quickly. I look at her face and her skin is turning a faint green.

"Strella?" I ask, but before she can answer she jumps out of her chair and makes a beeline to the bathroom.

"Shit," I mutter under my breath. I stand up to go after her and I feel my phone buzz. I look down to see who it is, and the name surprises me when I see it.

It's Zamari.