Insulate |〆[Taeyong x Reader AU] | ✔

匚卄卂卩ㄒ乇尺 32

The beeping of the heart monitor was the only sound that could be heard in the room as Taeyong held onto [Y/n]'s cold hand tightly.

After she passed out unexpectedly, she was taken to the emergency room as fast as possible. Johnny carried her inside the building, his boss and other teammates following closely behind. All the awaiting patients and nurses freaked out upon seeing what state Taeyong was in, but he was too preoccupied to realize how bad it was.

"Forget about me, take care of her first!" Taeyong had shouted at them. Nobody argued as the nurses quickly got to work.

Since they were already at a hospital, Jinyoung, Winwin, Yuta and Jisung took advantage and were also admitted. Their injuries weren't fatal, but some of them needed a couple stitches.

Johnny had managed to convince Taeyong to also get his injuries treated; it took a lot of reassurance since the gang leader didn't want to leave [Y/n]'s side even for a second. Since he refused to rest after the nurses bandaged him up, he was only given a few painkillers before they left.

Taeyong now sat alone next to [Y/n], waiting for her to wake up. "This is all my fault," he blamed himself over and over again. "Please wake up,[Y/n], I need you," he whispers, holding her hand in both of his.

"I-I never liked Ga-yook, you know?" Taeyong starts speaking a little louder, not knowing if [Y/n] could hear him or not, "I just needed an excuse to stay away from you, I wanted to keep you out of harm's way." It was his first time admitting that out loud, but he felt like [Y/n] might already know, "I've liked you since the first day we met, but I knew there was no place for romance in my life." A few tears slide down his face, but he doesn't bother wiping them.

The room door cracks open, but the person behind it stops when they hear the sound of crying. Johnny's hand remains on the door knob but he doesn't dare enter. He knew he was intruding and wanted to leave, but the sound of Taeyong's broken voice caught his attention.

"You were the sweetest person ever, back in high school. After Minho died and I became the leader of his gang, I had a really rough time. Without knowing what I was going through, you were there, you were my friend. I had no one other than my gang members back then and they didn't even like me. But we were all in the same boat, we had no family and no place to go... They didn't really have a choice." Taeyong felt nothing but pain as he thought about it.

Johnny wanted to comfort his leader but he held himself back. Instead, he stays where he is without making a sound. Taeyong was too caught up in his own emotions to notice.

The only thing that ever really held their team together was Minho and nothing was the same after he died. He faced rejection on behalf of nearly all of his teammates, but it eventually passed. Still, Taeyong always felt like the others would've left a long time ago if Minho hadn't shown obvious trust in Taeyong since the beginning.

"Minho chose me and I had no idea why—I still don't, but everything turned out ok. I've been their leader for 9 whole years, but I will never be for them what Minho was. We all lost a brother and it was my fault, I killed him. And you know what hurts the most? At that moment, he smiled at me before he closed his eyes forever. I remember apologizing and trying to shake him awake, saying I wasn't ready and that I should've died instead." Taeyong stops and composes himself before going on.

Meanwhile, Jisung, Winwin, Yuta and Jinyoung had joined Johnny at the door and were also listening. The latter silently gestured for them to stay quiet.

"The gun I used was lying right next to me, and it would be a lie to say the thought of killing myself didn't cross my mind."

More tears cascaded down Taeyong's face, his breathing turning ragged. His voice shook as he spoke, eyes staring at his and [Y/n]'s joint hands.

"I'll never forget the looks my members gave me when I walked in front of them covered in blood—Minho's blood. What I fought Minho for, what I told him was wrong so many damn times, I ended up doing it: weapon trafficking, selling drugs, killing people... I felt the weight of his responsibilities and suddenly understood. He wasn't only doing it for himself, but for the others too. I have to take care of them, the only thing we have is each other. We all went through traumatic incidents and lost everything. Minho took us in and gave us a home."

Taeyong remembered the joy and happiness he felt when Minho offered him a place to stay where he would be surrounded by others like him, others who could understand him; it was a great feeling for a kid who had lost it all.

"The Dreamies are the ones I took in, everyone else was there when Minho was still the leader. To them, I'm like what Minho was to me... It's scary to think about, but I could be their future. I don't want this for them. What they do is hard enough and to think that one of them could be in my place is... I almost lost Chenle, for fuck's sake. I don't know what I would do if one of them ever—" Taeyong stops mid-sentence, "I don't even want to think about it. I'm so sorry I dragged you into this."

His tone softens, eyes fixed on [Y/n]'s peaceful looking face. He strokes her cheek with a light touch. "I didn't want to let you in and I tried my best, but you're just so hard to resist. I got too comfortable, it's my fault you're like this. You have no idea how much I hate myself for letting this happen."

They had never seen Taeyong in this state. Jisung felt bad for the jealousy he harbored towards his leader and silently cursed himself for his feelings. Johnny and Jinyoung simply pitied the man whilst Yuta and Winwin felt extremely guilty; a part of this was their fault.

Taeyong sighs deeply, thinking about the person who did this to [Y/n] in the first place. "I'll fucking kill that bastard. I will find him and I will kill him, I don't care if he's Minho's brother. There won't be anything to identify him by when I'm done with him," he mumbles the last few sentences to himself.

Johnny knocks on the door and lets himself in, the others shuffling inside right after him. "Sorry for intruding, we just wanted to make sure you were alright and see how [Y/n] is doing..."

Taeyong tries to hide the fact that he had been crying, but the redness of his eyes gives it away. "I'm fine. And [Y/n] will be too," he reassures mostly himself with those words.

Johnny side-eyes the two guards, as if prompting them to say something. Yuta gives his partner an encouraging tap on the shoulder but doesn't say anything; Winwin doesn't react right away.

Taeyong scrunches his eyebrows upon witnessing the weird interactions. "What's going on?"

〆〆〆

A/n: this fanfic is a hot mess, congrats if you made it this far 🤠