No Control // Wolfstar

My Thoughts While Writing

I wouldn't normally do this, but I just wanted to show my readers what my thought process was while writing this story. Because I've never really written a full on story that isn't one-shots, if you ignore the really bad one I wrote a long time ago.

Characters

Starting off I wanted to make Sirius pretty reserved and quiet. He develops into his true self, the one we all know and love, because of Remus. They develop trust very early on and it allows Sirius to break out of his shell.

I don't like the consistent "Peter is lured to Slytherin in Hogwarts" which is why he betrays them. I've probably written that myself to be honest sometimes. But this time I wanted to highlight Peter as a friend to the Marauders. Obviously he was loyal to them at Hogwarts and I gave him a personality that fits with them. But I didn't want to make him too bold and individualistic because his nature is to follow James and Sirius' lead. So most of the time he agrees to do things rather than come up with it himself.

Regulus is Sirius' main "issue" while at school. His friends are becoming Death Eaters and pulling him into the "dark side." Naturally Regulus is intrigued because he shares the similar morals of his parents, unlike Sirius. But Sirius will do anything to steer his brother away from it which is why he sneaks away so often to help him. We all know Sirius runs away from his home, and I wanted him to have have that fight with Regulus about why becoming a Death Eater is wrong. I wanted the fight to impact Regulus so he is always unsure if joining is the right thing. Which shows when he goes to save Sirius the night of the full moon.

Frances is a small character I was originally going to have as the one hit with the sectumsempra curse. But I changed my mind because it was unlikely for Sirius to curse her than Lisa. She has a crush on Regulus as a kind of forbidden love. They are on different ends of blood status. At times he can be nice to her, and I wanted to use that as a way to show that Regulus is not Sirius. He does have prejudice against blood status so the possibility of them being together would never happen. She has loyalty to Sirius because he helped her when Lisa bullied her, in the flashback on chapter 11. It isn't said, but she is one of the few people who never judges him for being himself.

Remus and Abigail

I knew everyone would hate Abigail the second she was introduced, so when Remus cheats on her I wanted to create a feeling of sympathy for her. Even though everyone loves to hate the villain, nobody deserves to be cheated on. I wanted people to feel bad because she was so "in love" with Remus and heartbroken. But morally, Remus would never cheat. So I hint that she was the first one to cheat on their relationship. And later in chapter 25 James tells Lily the flashback of when he catches Abigail cheating on Remus in their 5th year.

I repeated the phrases "I love you" and "love you too" in almost all of their conversations early on. I believe that there is a difference between being in love and having love, and I wanted that distinction to be clear - so that is why Sirius calls out Remus for it in chapter 29.

In chapter 19, Abigail has an inner monologue in which she explains how Remus has changed from the shy boy she grew up with. He reads less often, goes out and really lives his life (the things he tells Sirius he tries to escape before) and is developing into himself confidently. And it's Sirius' doing. Sirius is bringing Remus to life after being dormant in his relationship with Abigail for so long. When Abigail explains how Remus has been acting different and is in the "puppy love" phase all over again, chapter 18, he's falling in love with Sirius. The time they share together - which isn't always snogging - makes him happier and therefore it reflects on his relationship with Abigail. Remus' actions also shows how fake their own relationship is.

Remus has internal conflicts with himself. His need to please everybody can only please half of the people most of the time. His relationship with Abigail was as real as 11 year olds can get, but as they grow older it's clear that they don't belong together. So when Abigail cheats on him in their 5th year,  Remus thinks it's his fault. Abigail manipulates him into staying with her. The flashback in chapter 25 was the unofficial end of their relationship. Everything since then has not been true love, and their relationship was never fixed.