No Control // Wolfstar

Thirteen

It smells of rotten wood and wet dog. Sirius shuts the door to the cupboard, shuffling around  as silently as possible. Remus' body is backed against the cold stone wall, and his left foot is standing in a bucket he isn't entirely sure is empty. Sirius stands in front of him, his heavy breaths blowing hot air against Remus' neck. Through the dark, they can just barely make out each other's figures. Another roll of thunder echoes outside, and Sirius presses his hand against the wall, brushing against Remus' face. Sirius leans in, the faint shine to his eyes becoming visible to Remus. 

With every breath, Remus' heart beats a second faster than the last. Sirius' chest is nearly pushed against his so much, he's afraid Sirius could feel his heart rate accelerate. 

"Remus," Sirius whispers. 

Remus swallows heavily, his hands fanned against the wall behind him to bear his weight. "Mhm?" he mumbles, unable to form words. 

"I really want to kiss you right now."

A moment passes before Remus musters up the courage to speak. "Then why don't you?"

Sirius presses his lips against Remus'. His hands are pressed against the wall on either side of Remus' head. At first it's slow. Remus remains still at the immediate touch, but after a second loosens up. He moves his mouth against Sirius' naturally, letting his hands wrap around his neck and pull him closer. The heat in the room becomes unbearable, but doesn't go noticed by either boys. 

Remus lets his hands trail down from Sirius' neck, down his arms and over his stomach. His hands dip under the hem of his t-shirt, letting his fingers run over Sirius' skin. His stomach is defined, and the grooves of his abs send a shiver through Remus' body as he runs his hands over them. 

After a second Sirius pulls back, resting his forehead against Remus'. The heat of the room hits their reddening faces, both letting out shallow breathless pants. 

A pounding on the door startles both of them and Sirius backs away. 

"Guys," Peter whispers through the door. "Are you in there?"

Sirius pushes open the door and moonlight floods the small room. "Yeah," he answers licking his lips. 

"We got most of the first floor covered so I think we should head back to the dorm."

"Sounds good. We'll be right behind you."

Peter walks away with his wand lit in front of him. 

Sirius hangs his head, running a hand through his hair and throwing it out of his face. "We should go," he says turning back to Remus. 

Remus clears his throat, removing his foot from the bucket he was standing in. "Yeah," he mutters.

*

*

*

Remus stirs in his sleep, rolling over for the third time in the past few minutes. He sits up groggily, resting his head in his palms. Peter's soft snores are the only noise in the dorm. Sirius hadn't left his mind since their kiss only hours ago. The feeling of his body lingered on his fingers, still tingling from the sensation. He rolls onto his back, staring up at the ceiling; the darkness is calming to his overactive mind. 

"No..." a voice cries. 

Remus looks to his right suspiciously. Silence. Staring up at the ceiling again, another cry comes. He pushes aside his curtains and kicks his legs over the edge of the bed. His knuckles sink into the mattress as he waits again. Sirius' curtain thrashes suddenly. Remus' feet hit the cold floor with a soft creak as he stands.

Taking two steps over to Sirius' bed, he slowly draws the curtain back. The sheets are pooled at the bottom of the bed messily, and Sirius jolts up intensely, his eyes wildly scanning the room. 

"Sirius!" Remus harshly whispers, jumping back. 

Sirius stares up at him blankly. His expression remains stagnant, though his eyes are visibly shaken. His hair is sticking out maniacally and his breathing is ragged. "Remus?" he questions, squinting in the dark. 

"Are you okay?" Remus moves aside the curtain and leans closer. "Was it a-a nightmare?"

"I'm fine."

"Alright."

Remus goes to turn around when Sirius reaches out. His hand grasps Remus' wrist, holding him back. 

"Um," Sirius chokes out. "Can you stay?"

Remus' heart skips a beat at the words. "Me?"

"Shit," Sirius drops Remus' wrist and runs his hand through his hair. "Never mind."

Remus clutches the covers, lifting them slightly as Sirius moves aside. He slips in, shutting the curtain closed. They lay side by side on their backs facing the ceiling in silence. 

"How long?" Remus asks. 

"Years," Sirius answers. 

"Do you get them every night?"

"Almost. Sometimes I don't sleep just to avoid them."

"Is it always about your parents?"

"Mainly. Sometimes it isn't just cursing..." His voice trials off and Remus fumbles around until his hand grasps Sirius'. The light squeeze reaffirms Sirius to continue. "Sometimes in my nightmares they hurt the people I care about."

"And that's why you push people away. So that they won't get hurt."

Sirius doesn't answer. He shifts onto his side, and Remus turns his head. Their eyes connect through the darkness with an unspoken communication. 

"Sirius," Remus begins. "I-"

"Shh," Sirius whispers. "Just...stay with me."

Remus moves his head back to look at the ceiling again. 

Sirius closes his eyes, his thumb slowly rubbing circles over Remus' hand. They get slower and slower until it eventually stops. His breathing steadies in a peaceful rhythm. Remus lays awake in the dark - his hand falling perfectly into Sirius'. It's like they were made to fit together. He glances beside him at Sirius. His eyes are closed, though Remus can see the life longing for freedom and adventure hiding inside them. Everything seemed so simple with Sirius. The pain and sadness seemed to disappear whenever they were together. It was just them. It wasn't Sirius Black, the family traitor, and Remus Lupin, the werewolf. It was just Sirius and Remus. And he liked that.

Remus lets out a long sigh, the words on the tip of his tongue. 

Sirius, I'm a werewolf.