I am NOT and Never Will Be A Jedi

Revenge of Master Big Brain

     By the end of the night, we had sixteen offenses against Coruscant Authorities. I'm not sure how many were for getting caught for being out after curfew, and how many were for Anakin slicing 50% of the four armed Kiughfid's hands off, but we were in lot of trouble.

    In hindsight, it probably wasn't a good idea to make it so apparent that we were Jedi because witnesses alerted the Council of rouge Younglings running a muck through town.

     The next morning, I learned a valuable lessin about the Jedi Academy: There is a lot that you can do that won't get you detention, but when you do get detention, bring an extra pair of ewok underpants.

      You're going to need them.

      "Very disappointed in you we are, Groundcrawler! A bad influence on you, young Skywalker might be." Master Yoda inquired. Anakin sat next to me in Master Yoda's office where we received our punishment.

     Anakin smiled innocently, "Master Yoda, you can't possibly believe that I would do such a horrible thing! Would I lie to you?" Yoda smacked Anakin right on the head, "Lied to me before you have! Said mullets had come back in style you did. Bad decision that was... Never again..." the little green alien said with a shiver. Anakin chuckled softly, "Okay, maybe I've lied before, but come on Master, at least don't blame the kid. He's young, and foolish, I led him astray and I am deeply sorry," Anakin pleaded.

    I was shocked that Anakin would defend me like that. Anakin of all people! That brotherly kindness returned and I quickly forgot how annoyed I was with him for taking me into that dumb sewer drain and making me risk my life for a playing card.

     But then there came the punishment.

      Yoda rubbed his chin, "Even if blame you except all of, Skywalker, punished both of you will have to be." he explained. I nodded solemnly, "Yes Master..."

       Yoda waved his stick around a little, "One week of detention you will both have. And Skywalker, you must write an apology letter to the nice man who's arms you cut off." Anakin frowned, "Oh, so the nice man who tried to choke hold Kevin is getting our sympathy?"

     Yoda poked his chest with the end of his cane, "If what it takes not to sue the Academy, then yes."

      All day long, I anxiously awaited my future torture in detention. According to Anakin, there was a kid who went in there and came out with his ears. I don't really understand how that makes any sense, but the point is, I didn't want to go!

     The detention lab was at the end of a dark hallway in the left wing of the school. I clung to Anakin's side as we silently walked down.

      "So uh, have you ever had detention?" I asked nervously. Anakin shrugged, "One or two..." I sighed in relief, "Okay, that makes me feel better." Anakin laughed, "It shouldn't. Check this out," he pulled back the sleeve of his shirt to reveal a three-inch scar. I cringed, "Gross! What happened?"

    Anakin pulled down his sleeve, "Torture droids. But don't worry, you only get the those for major offenses."

    My eyes bulged, "We did commit a major offense!" I realized frantically. Anakin smiled, "Oh yeah, we did. Good times... Good times..."

     I shook his shoulder, "Anakin! This is serious! I don't want to loose any limbs before picture day! Want would my grandmother think?" I complained. Anakin smirked, "You mean the one who lives in Happyland? I'm sure she'll understand," he laughed. My face reddend as I stomped angrily, "There is no grandmother in Happyland!"

     Anakin held me down calmly, "Listen Grease, I got you into this mess and I'll get you out of it, okay? There is nothing to worry about."

      I rolled my eyes, "Fine, but if I don't make it, it's on your conscience. Anakin grinned, "I can live with that."

      He opened the door to detention. You'll never guess who the detention teacher was.

      Master Beardless Big Brain.

       I swallowed hard as the old man stood with crossed arms at the front of the room. He glared at me, "Young Groundcrawler, a little earlier in your Jedi career to be getting into mischief don't you think?" he asked. I took a seat, "Yes Master Big- I mean, Master Ki-Adi-Mundi," I answered quickly. I silently sighed in relief for not calling him by his nickname.

     He looked over at Anakin who sat next to me, "It's a pleasure to have you joining us Anakin. However, Master Obi-wan has requested you be excused from detention today," Master Big Brain noted. Anakin smiled, "Wizard. Perks of having a Master."

    Master Big Brain folded his hands, "Yes of course Anakin. Master Kenobi also mentioned something about using this opportunity as time for extra meditation and a bit of lecturing. I believe his exact words were, "He'll be wishing he was still in detention when I'm done with him." Run along now."

     Anakin groaned, "Great... See you around Master. And Grease," he turned to me, "Let this be a lesson to you, detention may literally be torture, but lectures are are as good as a death sentence."

     Anakin left and I sat alone with Master Big Brains. The old man rubbed the remaining stub of his beard cruelly, "Why don't we start by discussing lightsaber safety and then we'll start up the torture droids," he suggested coldly.

     I swallowed hard, "I have a bad feeling about this..."