I am NOT and Never Will Be A Jedi

Hypothetical

      "Wait what?"
      Padme blushed a little but her face was painted with a sympathetic frown. "I'm sorry Kevin. I hope I didn't give you the wrong impression- you're a nice kid- but I'm a little old for you..." she explained to me as I stared bug-eyed back at her.
      "But I'm not-"
      "We can still be friends," she said quickly. I cocked my head as I tried to figure out what I was going to say. But Palo didn't give me the chance. "Oh, Kevin is here..." he said in disappointment as he came up behind Padme. I swallowed hard. "Hi there Palo! Nice to see you again."
      Palo rolled his eyes and turned to Padme. "Good news! Van Moii is signing autographs on the second floor right now! We should get up there before the line gets too long!" he suggested in a way that seemed like he had already decided. Padme puffed out her cheeks as she glanced at me. "If that's what you wanna do."
      "Great!" Palo said enthusiastically, "Let's go!" He grabbed her arm and tugged her towards the steps. I followed close behind until I was lost behind a sea of tall alien art-lovers. A Twi'lekk woman about a head taller than me shoved past and sent me back on my tail-bone. "Hey!" I shouted after her but I couldn't see her anymore due to the amount of legs and tails trampling me. 

       All of the sudden, a lean arm grabbed my shirt collar and hoisted me to my feet. I sighed in relief until I realized it was Anakin.

       "Geez Grease, could you go five minutes without being stepped on, knocked over, pushed around, or plain out abused?" He asked. I rubbed my neck sorely. "Aren't you supposed to be on Ansion?"
       
       Anakin flashed his toothy grin. "Key word supposed to. I told Obi-wan that I was gonna take a nap during the flight there and snuck off the ship before take off," he explained proudly. I raised my eyebrows. "What's Obi-wan gonna do when he finds out you ditched?" Anakin shrugged. "Probably yell, scream, rage, threaten to sell me to a spice mining company. The usual."

      Master Kenobi honestly deserved a medal for putting up with Anakin.

      Anakin began scanning the crowd. "Besides, I'd much rather come see Padme. Did she read my letter yet?" I began to shake and my stomach turned over. "Oh... She read it. By the way Anakin, for future reference, maybe you ought to sign your name instead of that whole 'secret admirer' business. Just a thought." Anakin ignored me and continued watching for Padme. "But she liked it right?" He asked absently. I swallowed a shallow breath as I looked up at Anakin. Telling him the truth was the only thing I could do.

      "Well, about that. I was just uh, just wondering, hypothetically I mean, let's say a friend is trying to help another friend to get a girl. Only, in the process of helping his friend, the first friend accidently, through a very small miscommunication that was really not his fault, made the girl think that it was him who liked her and not his friend? Now if you were the friend, how would you react?" I asked nervously. Anakin seemed to think the question over briefly. It was as if he didn't realize that my question wasn't hypothetical. Then he answered. "Well that's easy, I would dump that backstabbing Nerf herder down a Sarlacc pit where he would slowly rot for a thousand years."

      Remember what I said about Obi-wan? Well I change my mind. The man deserves a galactic holiday.