Just Another Lie, Right? [Kleinsen]

•20•

Do people actually like slow burn fanfics? I don't know if you can tell, but I do.
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I pushed open the door to the Murphys saying, "Evan never leave your phone off ever again."

"What happened? Are you okay?" Mrs. Murphy said before we even stepped into the house.

"Oh I'm fine thanks for-"

"She was talking to Evan." Zoe snapped. Jeez apparently no one here can take some comic relief.

Evan stood there, silent. I nudged him in the arm and he seemed to snap out of it. "Oh yeah" He laughed awkwardly, and I had to try to keep myself from smiling. "I'm fine. Thanks."

"What even happened out there?" Mr. Murphy said.

Evan and I exchanged glances.

"I- um- we-" Evan tried to speak, but failed miserably.

Evan sure does suck at trying to lie. But wait a minute, isn't he that boy who lied about an entire friendship? Oops. "The idiot didn't turn his phone on." I said, filling in for Evan. "He was gonna call and tell us that he needed a breather at Ellison Park before he came, but he never turned his fucking phone on!"

Evan smiled just a tad before nodding. "Yeah, sorry 'bout that."

I smiled at him smiling. Oh god that sounds super homo doesn't it?

Evan walked over and sat across from Zoe, in the same chair he sat in last night. Last night? Was it really last night? It felt like 9 days ago! Time skips are apparently becoming less evident.

I sat on the floor, as always. Gotta keep up that nerd status, you know?

"Jared why the fuck do you always sit on the floor?" Zoe snapped.

"What's the problem with you?" I asked, slightly offended. Like, jeez, lemme sit wherever I want to sit. There isn't even another chair open! Where do you expect me to sit? Evan's lap?

Zoe sighed, "I'm sorry," she said sincerely, "There's just been a lot on my mind."

Me too, sister. Me too.

Mrs. Murphy, ignoring the awkward exchanged, clapped her hands together and said, "Get excited kids! Mr. Murphy's cooking tonight!"

"Awesome." I said, smiling at her.

"Not awesome." Zoe grumbled, sliding down in her chair. "My dad is not the most excellent of cooks."

"Oh." I heard Evan say quietly.

Mr. Murphy got up from his seat and walked to the kitchen confidently. "Tonight, In honor of Connor, I'm going to make his favorite meal!"

Despite Zoe's negative statement, my interest was still spiked. I've never seen Mr. Murphy cook, and, hey, it couldn't be that bad right? "Ooh what is it?" Evan said, though his voice lacked the enthusiasm everyone liked hearing.

"Turkey, mashed potatoes, and steamed vegetables!" Hey that didn't sound too bad. Actually, it sounded like we were about to have a Thanksgiving feast! He pulled a package out of the freezer and I read the label. Microwaveable Meals. "Microwaved!"

Zoe smirked, "Do you see where I'm coming from?"

"Hey microwaved meals can be delicious!" Evan said, smiling and pointing at Zoe as if they were in some political debate.

"Says who?" Zoe laughed.

"Me! Duh!"

I smiled, watching them bicker. Was it really bickering, or just having a good time? Either way, it was fun to watch. The two made such a good pair, and for some reason I felt guilty. Like it was my fault Evan broke up with her. If I wasn't here, they'd still be together. A great pair.

Maybe I should've continued being an absolute asshole. Maybe I should've never stopped. If, when Evan asked me to write the emails, I said, "What kind of fucking idiot writes emails as a dead kid?" and hung up, Evan and Zoe would still be.

Or maybe if I never wrote those emails, Evan would be in shame. Maybe he would've straight up told the Murphys right then and there, and never even get the be with Zoe in the first place. What would I do if that happened?

Out of pity, I'd probably end up doing what I'm doing now. Trying to get closer the Evan. Making the boy fall in love with me.

Why is this inevitable?

What if I never decided to welcome myself into the 'Evan-Connor friendship', as Evan has called it? Where would I be sitting now? Maybe I'd still be in the Connor Project, working on digital posters and blog posts that mean nothing. I'd still be writing emails, too. But we wouldn't be doing all of... this.

How many things have happened solely because I was 'friends' with Connor?

Evan wouldn't have attempted suicide if I wasn't here right now.

Why do I have to be so handsome and charming?

Now Evan loved me, he's said it multiple times, and I have no idea what to do about it.

Part of me wanted this to end. All of it. The Evan-Connor-Jared friendship, the Connor Project, the visits to the Murphy's, the dinners, the stories, the emails, the feelings... I wanted to click some imaginary button and make all of this go back to the way it was before. Normal. I want to live the normal life of a Senior in highschool. I want to take my APs and flunk a couple quizzes. I want to make friends and be seen as a real cool kid, not just the kid who's desperate for friends. I want to go back to making fun of everyone who's shorter and/or heavier than me, because life was easier then.

Now Evan was leaning on me to keep up this lie that he had so ridiculously started. One wrong slip and boom! Nothing would ever be normal again. I can't undo anything that's happened.

Nothing will ever be normal again.

And that stung.

"Earth to Jared? Anyone on board?" Zoe said as Evan shook my shoulders. Oh god, I really zoned out there. I wondered how long I'd been out, hopefully I didn't have them worried for too long.

"Jared to Earth," I said. Evan stopped shaking me and stepped back, smiling. I smiled too. "Yep, just landed on planet Murphyandmicrowavedmeals. Gonna explore the terrain a little bit, see if there are any indications of life. Jared Kleinman, over and out."

I stood up and sniffed the air. It sure did smell like microwaved meals.

"And after two and a half long microwave minutes," Evan said, smiling at me, "Our dinner is served!"

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Wow ok I actually had a zone-out scene. You better believe that means this is a real fanfic now! Hahaha.

Published: 8/1/19
Word Count: 1103