Just Another Lie, Right? [Kleinsen]

•23•

Despite everything, the week went by as normal. And before any of us knew it, it was the 28th, the night of the Halloween dance.

After school, I walked up to my house to find a bundle of papers. On closer inspection, I realized they were the drafts that Alana found a few days ago that Evan didn't want me to read.

There was a note on the top of the pile.

"Hey Jared. You basically know everything now so why not drop these cringe-dumps onto you? I know I'll regret it later but hey. -Evan"

Of course Evan would drop these papers off the night I had to prepare for the dance. Knowing Evan, he probably knew I wasn't going to have a chance to read them all tonight.

I took the stack and brought them up to my room, where I threw them under my bed. I took the top one off the stack just to read it before I get ready.

Draft 2, it read. Oh shoot, draft two. The one I read on Tuesday was draft 21, so this is one of the early ones.

Jared,
uh hi it's me. Your family friend? I felt like I needed to tell you this and the easiest way was through letter, I guess. I wanted to let you know you're a great guy. I mean, like really awesome. Like, more than "family friend" awesome. If you don't catch what I'm throwing, basically I'm saying I have a crush on you. Oops.
-Evan

I laughed. Evan should've just straight up handed this to me and I would've loved him back.

I looked at the date that he wrote under his name, and I realized it was written at the end of Sophomore year. That was a long time ago, but that would explain why he only said "crush" instead of saying "i love you to the moon and back" like he seems to want to say now.

I searched through the pile in an attempt to find draft 21. After a minute, I found it.

why am i still writing these?
draft 21

Jared,
I don't really know how I'm gonna start this, but I know I want you to read it so... Hi. It's your old family friend. The one you used to come with to Ellison Park all the time and played with at recess and talked about girls with. Evan Hansen?

You remember me? I know you do, but do you remember us? We used to be friends, remember? Like, real friends. Not.. Whatever we are now. Definitely not friends. I wish we could go back, don't you? Just to the times where we didn't have all this shit going on. The times before I was diagnosed with social anxiety and you were bullying yourself over it.

Every day seems so difficult now, Jared. You wouldn't know. Or, actually, maybe you do. It doesn't matter. None of this does. I just want you to know that, for a while now, I've wanted to be more that family friends. Hell, I want to me more than friends. I want to be yours.

And I know that when you read this, you'll laugh and throw it away. Actually, how do I know you'll even read it? How will I even get it to you? I won't be able to. You'll have to find it. It's not like I can tell my mom to give it to you. She'll read it.

I doubt you'll even come looking for me.

I just want you to know I love you.

I'll see you soon.

The letter ended there. No signature, just a closing.

The date on the bottom was dated this past summer. Evan has been writing these since the end or Sophomore year, and he's still writing them, or so it seems.

Were these all love letters? Every one? Draft 21 sure did seem a lot darker than draft 2.

I looked at the clock. 3:25. I only had 45 minutes until I had to be at school helping Alana prepare for the dance.

I grabbed the pom-poms that were sitting on my desk, a grey shirt that said "ceiling", and some khaki shorts before going to change.

My hair looked too normal, though, so I drenched it in hair gel, (like, more hair gel than normal), and then blew it with a hairdryer, so it looked like I was standing in the middle of a hurricane.

"This will do." I said to myself before heading out to the school.

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Eyy filler chapters.
Sorry, but I didn't want to make this chapter too long.

Published: 8/5/19
Word Count: 783