Always

Chapter 14

LISSA

For most of the car ride we didn't talk, thankfully. I was hoping that we would not even brush over the awkward topic of our steamy kisses and how Niall had had to relieve himself in more than one way. I had slipped up, but I couldn't bring myself to regret it. I was starting to like this funny blonde that seemed interested in me. I really did like Niall, but I didn't know how to approach that. I had horrible luck with boys, because usually they only dated me for my physical attributions.

I hoped that Niall would be different, but this morning he had left me to go take care of the arousing in his pants and I felt like he was only turned on by our making-out. But I didn't get guys anymore, but it wasn't like I ever had gotten them. My dad was another guy I never understood. I never wanted to speak to him again, hence the reason I always never returned his calls or texts. He was a man with a lot of money so he could have tracked me, but I think he got the message that I wanted him away from my life entirely.

He was a good dad at first, came to my sports games and music recitals as a kid. He loved my mother, or at least I thought he did. I was young though, and I didn't get love, but I still don't think I do. But, then things changed when I started to get older. At night I would hear shouting and things being broken. I was worried for both of them. But, what came next startled me even more. I heard nothing at night. No fighting or things breaking or any sign of them having any contact. They never fought in front of me though.

One night I went downstairs, even though both my parents had stressed quite a lot to never leave my room at night, I found that only my mom was sitting on my parents' big plush bed. She was crying so hard. I slowly walked out before she could notice me and walked further down the hall. In a guest room at the end of the hall my dad slept holding a bottle of alcohol with his suit still on. I didn't know what was in the bottle at the time because I was only about 6 or 7 and had never heard of it. But, in time I sadly find out what it was and why I had heard shouting and things breaking so many nights. My dad was an alcoholic.

He isn't anymore, well wasn't when I left. The memories seared with pain like a bullet wound on my chest had just pelted the open wound. I coudn't think about it any longer. In my younger years, I had forced myself to shut out most memories of emotions that would hurt me. So, I thankfully forgot many things about my childhood.

While I had been thinking of all those memories, I realized, that the car had been awkwardly silent. Once I awoke from my memory trance, I turned on the radio to some old music that I had memorized with some of my high school friends. Niall's facial expression lightened as the song turned on. We obviously both knew this song. It was a song that showed off both of our voices as we belted it out.

We bobbed out heads as we sang loudly. The volume was all the way up, but we still sang louder than it. It was a lot of fun, more fun than anything I'd done with a guy alone in awhile. Sadly, the song came to an end and Niall turned the radio's volume down to a normal volume. He looked over at me grinning like a high idiot.

"I LOVE YOU LISSA RUNG!" I was so startled. Niall had just out of the blue said that he loved me. Now I didn't understand myself, because I wanted to say it back. I opened and then closed my mouth again. I squeezed my eyes shut to try to push out memories that were bubbling about her last boyfriend from the town way up north.

He had told me he had loved me, but I could never say it back. I didn't want the same thing to happen to us, but I just couldn't help myself by being rude. I wanted and needed to say it back, because I hadn't understood what I had felt between us for as long as I had known him. Maybe it was love. But I couldn't say it, it was too early and he was so fragile at that point in time, but I couldn't say it if I didn't truly know if I loved him like that back.

I felt like the biggest jerk ever, just watching his eyes return to normal size, his eyebrows furrowed together in confusion. and the silence was agony. It wasn't supposed to be like this between us. We were supposed to always have fun around each other. I had just ruined another thing that I had enjoyed. The remainging hours silence was filled by soft music coming from the radio. Niall was tapping the stearing wheel with nervousness and concern.

When I got home I knew I had to make him take it back. It would be hard, but I had to rid him of feelings for me, and I knew exactly how to do it, but it was going to be so hard. I didn't know how I would live through what I would do this weekend.

(A/N: ZAYN'S GIRLFRIEND IS ELIZABETH. I THINK I CHANGED ALL THE PERRIES TO ELIZABETHS BUT YEAH JUST TO LET YOU KNOW. AND I HOPE YOU LIKE THE STORY SO FAR)