Always

Chapter 26

LISSA

I slowly backed away, but before i could run, Niall stopped me.

"Wait, don't go." Niall whispered. I gasped at how desperate he sounded. He looked broken and lost ever since I had told him that he wasn't the only one who had stolen kisses from me, wasn't the one that had held me that night.

I couldn't face him for a second longer I walked out the door with my Nandos and away from the blonde boy, my blonde boy. I told myself not to look back, to stay strong, but I caved and slightly turned my head to see Niall glaring at my back he was sniffling and looked like a kid who just got his toy taken away.

His fists clenched and he shoved the door open, got into his car, and skidded away. I sighed and slowly drove back to Xander who was still in the Chinese restaraunt where I ate my chicken and got glares from the cooks. Once I was over halfway done eating I received a text.

Madrid is it?

I shuttered as I saw that the short and simple text was from Niall. I think he had the same thoughts as I when we had run into each other at Nandos.

My guilt probably radiated off my skin and into every pore of his skin. Probably twisted his thoughts to anger instead of pain. The expression on his face when I left was sinister and I was afraid. Madrid was not even apart of this, I had known what I was getting myself into that night.

Madrid had just let me use him to break Niall and I'm relationship to return to my frozen self. The person I hoped I wouldn't turn back into. I wanted to feel. To live. To love. I always did. But shit happens.

I told Xander more about my situation and nervously picked at my nails. He was sympathetic. We decided to go back to my flat and he promised me he would relieve me of all my stress.

I needed to figure out how to stop myself from shutting everyone out and accept Niall's love. I just didn't know if I could do both. Every time I brought up Niall Xander would make me eat a rasain. The little pruny things were wretched and had high yielding results in getting me to shut up as my now best guy friend showed me how to make a special martini.

We ended up drinking a lot and I didn't really remember most, but I do remember having to put a whole box of exactly 24 death turds into my martini for calling Niall in the bathroom. I slurred that we should be together and that the hotel wasn't fake. My drunk self sure was honest, but I didn't translate my pudding brain thoughts well. In the hotel we had kissed a lot and I had tried to tell him it meant nothing but it did.

Everything that Niall and I did had meant something. The lake, the hospital, our chats before class, and everything else that had happened. I just needed to do something to get him back, but I felt myself slipping back into the hard person I formally was. I needed a plan to win a mini war with myself. I also remember asking Xander for advice on many occasions in the night.

He would just shake his head and throw another demon spawn at me. But, he did say that I should just tell the truth. Of course! (This is what my drunk self thought) This advice wasn't very helpful because I couldn't tell the truth. Words wouldn't explain it. So I decided I'd tell him everything without a word.

Tomorrow I would hatch my silent plan and Xander would be my slave in this plan, or indentured servant as he called it. But at the time I didn't even know what silicon was so I didn't get his little joke/sarcasm till Sunday morning.