Always

Chapter 29

LISSA

          Morning came. Tuesday morning. I woke up to my alarm that had been set for a self defense class that I was no longer a student of. I didn't know what to do. My alarm was still blaring a siren noise from my phone. I yelled in frustration. I picked up my phone from the night stand and saw that I had countless numbers of missed calls from Mae along with 50 texts. I looked through them and bit my lip. Some of the messages betrayed her anger and others were restrained. I had completely blown her off. I jabbed at the screen to ward off the messages, reminders of my mistakes. I held my head in my hands. It seemed that everyday I was closer to tears or an emotional wreck, despite my vow to rid myself of emotion. 

        I'd rather be a vacant lot than a forest being clear cut everyday. Less pain when all the mushy stuff is taken out of it.  I'll explain tonight, is all I said in a short text to Mae. I wasn't capable of giving any heart into something as minuscule as text messages. I laid back down and looked on Google Earth at the place where it all started. Some parts of my emotions I just couldn't shut down. I spent the rest of the morning just lying around and blaring Mozart from the TV. At about 10 I got up and changed into a chiffon white blouse and black skinny dress pants. 

        Work was normal and I tried not to talk to David as much as I could, but he wouldn't stay away. Every chance he got he would come into my office and chat with me. The conversations were rather one sided since David would just talk as I worked and tried my best to ignore him. I sighed as I had only one more hour until I could go home and go to the club. In the middle of David's long and descriptive tale of the red ant and its similarities to insurance customers I set down the paperwork I was filing and held up a slim finger to signal him to pause. His words slowly drifted off and he was quiet. I then got out my phone and played Mozart's Concerto No. 12. I now sighed in satisfaction. I actually then went to the phone on my desk and pressed the intercom button and put my phone speaker up to the microphone. 

        I gave David a sickening smile and he walked back to his office. He didn't attempt to turn off the music because when he went for the phone I threatened to turn on Madonna and impersonate Sue Silvestor by getting a megaphone and yelling cheer drills into his ear. He backed off in confusion. I had watched Glee as a kid. I finally got off work and raced home. Immediatly I sent a group text to everyone reminding them that we'd all meet at the club Xander worked at called the Ridden. I looked at myself in the mirror one last time before leaving for the club. 

        My form radiated confidence and my outfit, safistication. I dressed in a warm long sleeved black dress with a boat neck-line made of chiffon material and lined with a thin layer of fleece. The dress went to my knees and flowed outwards in a pleated manner. Quite the elegant dress. I was satisfied with my natural makeup which consisted of minimal bronzer, eyeliner, and mascara. I listened to classical music all the while. I found that it was soothing and gave me some sort of passion. I walked out wearing suede black heels and my hair pinned back into a french twist. 

        Even outside the club, you could hear music blasting. I sat in my car and waited. About a half hour later everyone had arrived and were parked next to my Ford. Niall was the last to arrive. I got out of the car after Elizabeth walked up to my door and tapped on the glass. Everyone else was standing in a little group waiting for me, uncertain. Niall stared at me when I got out of my car. The look in his eyes made me feel like I was getting out of a limo to a red carpet. 

        "Come along." I said briskly. We filed into the loud club. I let an hour pass of swaying to the music and leaning against the wall in a dark corner without a couple making out. I watched silently with a glass of sparkling water that Xander had given me to look like alcohol. I didn't want to drink tonight, not when I didn't even know if I could do this thing sober. It was now about 11 and I checked my phone just to make sure.