Always

Chapter 32

LISSA
Right when we got to the gym that I was fairly accustomed to, I scribbled my name back in line with Mae's who gave me a quick hug. Then Niall hugged my backside making it a double hug. After Niall was nice and comfortable Harry decided to join our little group hug. He hugged me behind Mae, squeezing her tightly.

I was very squished and at first the hug felt blissful and happy, but I started to feel trapped and incapable of moving. I started to break a sweat and tugged myself away from everyone. Niall gave me a look of concern but I just looked away and took a sip from my water bottle and stretched my legs.

Niall came behind me and tried to hug me again. I pushed him away, walked away, and then stretched my arms. I didn't feel any arms trying to wrap around me again. Once I had finish stretching we started the next matches and decided people not in matches should still train. Mae and I were bad ass. She had picked up her technique quickly. In practice matches she out-hit, outsmarted, and was way quicker in reaction and hit time.

The rest of class went by quickly. I went straight home and successfully avoided Niall. I didn't want to talk to him. I didn't want him to ask why I couldn't do a group hug or display happiness or how I was so fucked up and didn't have a reason that I wanted to share. But much to my dismay I parked by my flat and found that Niall's car was parked by my flat already.

I entered cautiously and went to my bedroom for a change of clothes. Before I could lock the door Niall opened my door and looked down at me. He sighed with exhaustion, his eyes held mine in a state of confusion and concern. I looked away in the silence and tried to make up an excuse so he'd leave. I knew he wouldn't leave though.

"What's wrong?" Niall whispered. I winced for years I had been asked that by no one. To hear some one sound like they actually cared was surprising. It also made me mad. Why did he just get to come in here and ask what's wrong. There were lots of things wrong and I wasn't exactly sure which wrong he was asking about. After countless days of not having anyone to expect concern from, I was angry.

"Fuck off." I said simply. I didn't have much energy to say anything else. Thinking of the past had started to make me tired, exhausted, and done. Niall's emotions changed right then and there.

"Fine if you won't tell me what's wrong with you I'll tell you what's wrong with me. I can't do one fucking thing right except you. Not that way... anyway my parents wanted me to do everything right. And I wanted to do everything right after hearing it from them enough. They used to care, used to really love me. But everything turned to shit after they had a stillborn child we never found out of it was a boy or girl, but I like to think of that little baby as my sister. I never told my parents this because they would just get mad. Bitter and broken, that's what described them." He began to shout.

"Always judging, always telling me to be better, not screw up. Well you know what? I am a screw up. But not until I woke up from my nightmare of a fake life and left, did I realize I shouldn't have listened to a word either of my parents said because the words they uttered and actions they took were currupt and I was just tired. Always tired. But when I met you, I felt more awake than ever. So now that I have told you one thing that is wrong with me... why don't you return the favor?" Niall said with passion and pain in a whisper.

"I'm sorry." I whispered weakly, pathetically on the verge of letting tears slip from my glassy blue eyes. I shook my head and covered my face. I knew that I wasn't the only screwed up person but it felt so different to hear someone spill there emotional guts so willingly. I opened my mouth willing words to be set free, but I couldn't string together a simple sentence.

"I'm-I.... Your, your sis-s. I'm so sorry." I felt so sickened with myself for every horrible thing I'd ever done to him. I felt so guilty and he'd only told me about one piece in the little intricate puzzle of his life. That piece was so sad, and only one part, so I couldn't imagine what I'd do when he opened up more. I'd probably buy him millions of stuffed bears and fried fast food to make up and spend my life's savings on him after hearing what he had gone through and thinking of how much I put him through.

He could practically see the thoughts running through my head and gave me a bone crushing hug. His hugs were soothing and the stress I felt for him was instantly relieved. I continued to whisper apologies to him as we hugged, and we parted too soon. It seemed a if we had only hugged for mere seconds instead of half an hour. I started to get ready for work and ushered Niall out of my room reluctantly.

I put on relatively nice clothes and tidied myself up getting rid of the puffiness in my eyes and brushing my tangled hair. I opened the door where Niall was leaning on the wall and just thinking.

"I have... well. I have things too that I will tell you about I mean my life but I have to go and I don't do emotions quite well so please bear with me. The whole package of feelings I get when I look at you are difficult enough as it is." I said with care.

He nodded as I walked out the door to my car and one step closer to work; a place where I could just think about filing papers and organizing. It wasn't the best job but I was paid well so I could keep my nice flat with pretty trees and my decent car. Anything to keep my distracted from what was important. In the car I thumped my thumb on the steering wheel as I absently drove through the busy streets to my office building.

I walked into the tall steel - framed office complex to find my boss standing with folded arms beside Madrid looking directly at me.