Always

Chapter 19

LISSA

        It was Monday and I had not woken up beside the girls which confused me at first. It took me a few minutes to figure out what happened last night. I remember shaking the bartender's hand and not being able to find Elizabeth and the rest of them. Xander filled me in on the rest and he sort of let on how drunk I was, and I couldn't deny the fact that my cheeks were flaring. I played with a strand of my blonde hair and plugged my phone in Xander's charger and it immediatly began continuously buzzing from texts. I answered the girls with short replies saying I was fine without reading their texts. 

        I hid my head in my hand and realized I wasn't wearing my dress. I looked on the ground and saw it lying next to the bed. I was incertain as to what had happened and was kind of scared. Did my drunk self have sex with Xander? Just then he walked back into the bedroom and followed my eyes to the dress. 

        "Oh, okay I didn't want to embarass you by telling you, but you were pretty... um, open and yeah." I opened my mouth wide in horror for what I thought he was about to say, that I had cheated on the one that I loved most again. I stopped my thoughts and froze up as I just replayed what I had just thought in my head. The one that I loved. I had admitted that I loved him and I didn't know how to handle that when I was trying to rid myself of Niall and forget everything we that had happened between the two of us. 

        "No NO, we didn't. No." He facepalmed and chuckled. "You were very drunk and basically stripped and I had to practically dress you, but I promise I had my eyes closed." 

        "Yo-Your eyes closed?"

        "Um, yeah."

        "How do you dress someone with your eyes closed?" I asked dumbfounded. I guess the alcohol hadn't worn off. 

        "Practice." he said. He almost laughed when I looked at him in confusion and doubt. He rolled his eyes and patted my shoulder. "Don't worry, your secret tattoo in the lower region is safe with me." I gasped and sputtered. He laughed so loudly. 

        "I-I don't have any tattoos." I said simply with red hot cheeks. I wasn't lying, I had never liked needles or permanent things on my skin. 

        "I'm just kidding, but you should've seen your face!" he said like he was my annoying brother. "But, we should change that." he said seriously and pulled up his long sleeve to reveal an arm covered in small tattoos. 

        "I got each one separately, lots of trips to the tattoo parlor, but it was worth it. Every single tattoo means something to me. Its like pictures on a phone but this way, I'll never forget them." I was left in wonder of his meaning behind all the tattoos when he went to the kitchen and I followed. 

        "You'll probably need these about now." he said and I went to the kitchen, but was stopped short by a rough aching in my head. In Xander's hands were a glass of water and some advil. I thanked him silently and set the pill on the counter and smashed it to powder and deposited it to my water. He gave me a funny look.

        "I can't swallow pills, even if my life depended on it. But I guess that's a good thing because if I tried to commit suicide, it would take me too long to smash all the pills before some one got to me." I laughed lightly. He feowned at first but wanted to lighten the mood and burst out laughing.

        "Ok I did exaggerate the laugh a little, but I didn't think you were that funny. But here we are. Although, I probably shouldn't be laughing at the part about suicide. You have a cruel sense of humor." I shrugged and bowed. He laughed some more and my head stopped hurting as badly. I checked my phone and saw that it was noon. We ate late late breakfast and chatted. Xander was starting to feel like a brother to me. A couple months ago I would've not even talked to a guy like Xander or Niall, but now I was a lot more loose and could actually enjoy myself, I was just worried of what would happen if I enjoyed myself to much and got hurt again.

        "Why don't we add some color to that bland skin of yours." Xander said cheerily. I began to shake my head but he held it in place. He then pulled me into a bone crushing hug. I felt like I would die. "I won't let you go until you agree to go to the tattoo parlor with me." He said. I couldn't endure this much longer. 

        "FINE!" I yelped out and gasped when he loosened his grip. He hugged me again, but gently. 

        "Yes! Lissa you won't regret it." I slap him away.

        "I had no choice you abuser." He laughed lightly and I borrowed some clothes his sister had left when visiting from the south. I waltzed out the door in black pumps, Aztec patterened leggings, and a loose baby blue cotton shirt that said "Fries before guys" in gold lettering. We drove to the tattoo parlor and I was nervously tapping my fingers and feet the whole way. We entered the place to see guys covered in extravagent tattoos and gages and other body modifications. They looked scary and intimidating. The guys were actually super nice and asked me what I wanted.

        I wanted something tiny and unnoticeable. So I picked a small teardrop inbetween my pointer and middle finger. It stung when they used the needle to insert the ink into my skin. But afterwards I looked at it one last time and it made me remember my past, but in a strong way before the guy that tattooed me put bandaging on it. 

        I was so happy with myself for overcoming a fear of needles and having ink on my body. The tear definitely meant something to me and I was content with that, After we left, we went to Xander's flat and I got my stuff and he dropped me off at my house. 

        I felt under the first step up to my flat to find one of the many spare keys that I kept. I had a total of 4 under there and could only find three. I wondered what had happened to the fourth one. When I opened the door to my flat I found out why. Mae, Elizabeth, Kat, Dakota, Harry, Liam, Zayn, and Louis were in my living room and they all were staring straight at me with worried and slightly ticked expressions.

        "Oh my." I muttered.