Ambivalent • DazaixReaderxChūya

4. No Longer Human

But I want to

The words echo in your head as you step away from Dazai's desk abruptly, heads turning in question of what was happening.

"No, you don't. You want to use me." You correct him, voice no longer quiet, head starting to spin again.

Dazai reaches out as if to help you keep steady, but you move out of reach, holding out your hands, sure you would end up on the floor this time.

It's always the same. People only want me after knowing what I can do.

"Dazai! What did you do?" The man in the blond ponytail whispers to him, concerned and close to furious at the same time.

"Nothing Kunikida!" Dazai whines playfully, the seriousness in him just moments ago gone without a trace. "I didn't even ask her to double suicide this time.." he grumbles, getting up from his desk ready to go to you if you did fall.

The other detectives in the room look at you warily, unsure of what to make of the situation. One of them walk towards you and grab your shoulder gently, but the action is enough to send your unsteady mind into a flashback of yesterday's incident. You fall to the ground, activating your ability in a panic.

I am not weak.

You hear murmuring around the room as you see the familiar blue aura flare up encase a figure...Atsushi.

Wait...no, I thought-no, he was only trying to help!

Emotions all over the place, you find yourself unable to stop your ability. The talking around you turns into white noise, you hear someone yelling your name, but you are no longer concentrated on anyone else except for Atsushi, who was covering his ears and down on his knees shaking, and Dazai, who had made no movements since he had gotten up, studying your every move without the same panic everyone else had. You shiver as the cold breeze you could recognize anywhere starts to nip at your fingertips, your skin slowly freezing up. It was slower than the man from yesterday, much slower.

Atsushi is stronger

You stare at Dazai, who seemed to have told everyone else that had been about to make an attempt to stop you not to move.

Why?

Atsushi gets up from the floor, still shaking, hands now hugging himself, tears streaming down his face. He turns to you, eyes empty with a desire for release, loneliness eating away at him like any other person you have touched with your ability. Except there was something different about him. It didn't consume him or drive him crazy, he just stood there in his own pitiful despair like there was a sort of comfort in being in such a state, so empty. Like he'd felt it before.

He doesn't deserve this.

Hands freezing, you feel the warmth of someone else's, and suddenly atsushi is no longer crying, but instead gasping for air like he had been suffocating, the cold was gone, and you felt someone standing oh so close to you.

Kunikida barks orders at everyone to keep working, mean looks being shot your way every once in a while. They felt threatened. They did not trust you there amongst them, and rightly so. Atsushi stares at you with a shock as if you had just said a terrible joke, and you can't help but look away.

"You just proved me right. You only want to prove your strength, you don't actually know what you can do. But you aren't afraid of death, that much is clear. You want control, and you didn't like that I had more of it over you in that moment." Dazai whispers next to you, his hand still on yours, only lightly touching. "I really do want to help you, [f/n]"

He's right. I hate it. I hate my own weakness. But how did I stop? I didn't-

"Oh, I forgot to mention, my ability is 'No Longer Human'. I can nullify anyone else's with just a touch!" He explains much more cheerfully, a smug look plastered across his face.

You pull away from his warmth and look up to him, your expressions colder than you made your words sound. "Even if I wanted help, I don't want it from you anymore."

"You said you came to Yokohama for this agency in specific didn't you? After your little show, I think you'd be stuck with me anyways" Dazai points out with a ring of triumph.

Although he was right, as he seemed to be too often, you were too self-conscious in the way he had you more confused than ever to give your answer a second thought.

"Then I guess it's been a waste of 2 years"

Turning away from Dazai, you open the door to leave and walk out, enough adrenaline rushing through you to help you ignore the pain erupting in your knees and the throbbing in your head. You hear footsteps behind you and pause only to yell at your pursuer to leave you alone until you feel Dazai's hand take yours once again, pulling you in to a gentle hug.

"Who hurt you [f/n]? Why won't you let anyone truly see you?" He mutters so softly it's almost just for him to hear.

Dazai then lets go, leaving you dumbfounded as he tells you to consider the offer, before turning away and going back into the office, closing the door with a hard thud.

He is so strange

You shake yourself out of the trance he left you in and continue down the halls, determined to leave and finally go home for some time to yourself.

Before you know it you find yourself outside, dusk tinting the sky this time, sundown accompanied by a bright moon watching over you this time. You walk down the street, looking around for any sign of a taxi to take you to your home.

Seeing a car resembling a taxi, you wave your hands, motioning it to stop. The car sees you and stops, but a pit feeling tells you something is wrong. You look inside the front windows and see a woman in a suit, blonde hair tide up, glancing at you with boredom and revulsion. She makes a slight nod with her head and suddenly you're wrapped tightly in black cloth glowing red, your body slammed against the car, making you face your attacker. Fear crawling into you when you saw their face.

"I don't know why they made me come and get you. This is a waste of my time. Missions are so boring without any casualties."

The young man who had you pinned spoke, unimpressed with your image. The man was dressed in an all black coat reaching past his knees, and really all black other than a white cravat tie poking out with elegance, jet black hair with white tips at the front contrasting greatly against his sickly pale skin, his grey eyes cold and hard fixed on you.

"I can already tell you are nothing. Why did we even bother taking an interest in someone so...miserable" he said, this time needing to stop to cough before tightening the grip his ability had on you.

You had heard of someone like him, during your 2 years living here, described as the rabid dog of the Port Mafia, although you didn't know his name, you knew it couldn't be anyone else. You try to yell, but the man wraps another strand of dangerous cloth around your mouth, snaking it upwards to stop you from breathing altogether.

"Not even going to try to fight back?" He scoffs, and you would scold yourself too if you could, but you had no strength to attempt to move, you previous injuries catching up to you once again.

"Be glad I'm not allowed to kill you yet for wasting my time" the man adds before you pass out, finding yourself sink back into a black abyss for the second night in a row.