August Holmes, Sherlock's Daughter

Chapter Nineteen - Breakup

TW: Language & EDNOS (Anorexia)

I sat on the couch staring at the abused wall Sherlock had put bullet holes in so long ago. The walls each held a story within them. My eyes drifted to the 'newly' installed window from when half the flat blew up and nearly killed Sherlock and I.

I couldn't help but think about how dangerous my life is with Sherlock in it. When we went down to the train station and I thought I was going to die, my first thoughts weren't what I thought they would be. Instead, my thoughts were filled with regrets. I regretted moping around and wasting three years of my life. I regretted not spending more time with John, Mary and Ms. Hudson. I'm glad, however, that I can start making new memories with them. Happier memories with my whole family.

Most of all, I regretted the lack of thought I had when I didn't think of Sophia. Guilt settled deep in my stomach, the kind of guilt that keeps you uneasy all day. When Sherlock passed, I didn't want to do anything. I just wanted to lay in bed and feel sorry for myself. Sophia was the one who checked on me and made sure I was doing okay. She brought me food and encouraged me to go out. She has shed countless tears over my wellbeing, and what do I do for her in return? Not think about my girlfriend in my 'last moments of life'.

"Ugh... God." I moaned, slapping my hands on my head.

"What's wrong?" Mary's voice sounded from the front door.

I jumped in my seat. I didn't even realize Mary had came in.

"I'm conflicted." I confessed, turning my head to give Mary a smile.

"It's a lot to think about... Sherlock, John, everything."

"They're not even who I'm conflicted about. It's Sophia... Mary when I was down in the tubes with Sherlock, and when I thought I was going to die... I didn't even think about Sophia until Sherlock mentioned her." I paused carefully. "What does that say about our relationship? I love her. So much. She was there for me when I had nobody. But I can't shake this sense of guilt I have. How would I feel if she had gotten hurt somehow because of my lifestyle? And I couldn't even spare her a thought during my 'last moments' alive?"

Mary didn't say anything for a moment, instead she just chewed on the inside of her cheek.

"August. There is no point in forcing anything. You have valid concerns. Sometimes you have to be selfish. And sometimes you should think of others before yourself. It seems like you are doing both, here." Mary scratched the top of her head. "Go talk to Sophia. Tell her your worries. She will understand. Breakups are never easy, babe."

I nodded. Breakups aren't easy. Is that what I want?

I had called Sophia over to talk. Nerves were getting the better of me as I paced up and down the kitchen. When I heard a knock from the door, my stomach dropped. Sophia had stopped knocking to come into the flat years ago.

"Hey Sophia." I opened the door for her.

"Hey!" Sophia smiled at me, coming inside the flat. "What did you want to talk about?"

"Um... Sophia... uh, let's uh, sit." I said awkwardly. Thank god it was just the two of us here now. Mary had left after picking up the wedding venue brochures she left here.

"Sophia. I don't know how to have this conversation with you." I started out. "We've been together for four years. Every moment we are together is never a dull moment. You're one of the best people I know."

Sophia smiled at me warmly. "Thank you, August. I feel like that's not what you wanted to talk about, though."

"No. It's not. I'm such a dick." I sighed, covering my face up with the pillow lying on the couch.