The Big Bang (Mashton) ✔️

Stage Fourteen

Hello! Sorry for not updating in like forever, school is shit as we all know.

1,000 READS THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH!

{read-over edited}
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<Ashton's POV>

My hand was throbbing for once. I could feel the pain shoot through my fingertips, past my wrist, and up my arm to my shoulder. I rolled my shoulder around gently trying to ease the ache. It only helped a little.

It's weird being able to feel something instead of being numb to everything around me.

I was at my favorite spot, even though it was cold out. I liked it being cold outside.

The cigarette in my fingers was getting wasted. Too lost in thought to care. I took a drag, watching the smoke drift from my mouth into the wind.

I didn't like not being numb. I'm not use to it. I'd rather not feel anything than everything. I just try to survive this world, but it seems that the darkness that's in it is consuming itself to me. Getting fused into my body and bones, leaving me blackened and cold.

I stood up, the sunset almost over with, I could still see where I was going. I kept the cigarette bud with me to throw away and walked back. My legs stretched to get back into the room through the window. I shut it tightly behind me, putting the bud into the ashtray and falling onto my bed.

I put myself under the covers and stripped, sleeping in only my boxers. When I tried to sleep, I couldn't...

But soon sleep found me and I was under.

🚬

Michael had fallen asleep for so long that he spent the night at the infirmary...for the whole night, leaving me to wake up to no Michael. I had breakfast today for once, then came back upstairs to my room.

"Oh...hi."

I stood at the doorway, the knob still in my hands staring at the boy who was over by his bed. A goofy smile lit up onto my face that I couldn't hold back.

"H-Hi."

My hands started shaking, butterflies in my stomach. He was back and okay...the door, right.

I quickly closed the door and went up to him. "So...how are you?"

"Good well I should say better..."

"That's good."

I wasn't sure if I should question him about why he had the panic attack or not...but I chose not to and let him talk when he needs to.

"You're my friend." My mouth moved without my mind thinking...Michael looked stunned for a few seconds then a smile lit up his face.

"And you're my friend." I smiled at him and gave him a hug. When his hand pulled back, he hit my injured hand and I winced and hissed in pain.

"S-Sorry." He looked down at it and shook his head. "You haven't change the bandage yet?"

"Ah...no? Was I suppose to?"

He chuckled while shaking his head. "Come with me."

He grabbed my wrist and walked me to the bathroom. I wondered if he could feel my heart racing in my pulse. All from his fucking touch my heart seemed to always speed up faster than normal. What has this boy gotten me into?

He instructed that I sit on the counter while he got the supplies, I did just that. He grabbed my hand gingerly, unwrapping the old bandages to see my skin.

"Again this is going to sting..."

He applied the disinfectant gently, I grabbed the counter with my other hand squeezing my eyes shut.

"Sorry." I quietly laughed at him, leading him to raise an eyebrow in a questioning manner. "What?"

"You said sorry..."

He wrapped my hand up once again and taped it. Once he finished, he looked back up at me still confused. It looked adorable on him.

"So?"

"You can't control that it hurts."

Michael still looked confused at me, but then nodded and smiled. "I gotcha now."

I smiled, realizing something. He was standing between my legs, looking up at me with a smile. My heart was still racing, but now more butterflies were in my stomach and I couldn't stop glancing at his lips...fuck.

"Thanks." I finally spoke after the short silence, looking back up to his eyes.

"You're welcome."

I hopped off the counter and left the room behind Michael, laying down on my bed. His phone start ringing laying on the desk, Michael picked it up.

"Luke and Cal are factiming me..."

I nodded and watched as he tapped his phone. Michael sat down on his bed, his phone facing himself. A smile was on his lips, but soon left his cheeks turing red.

"Ew! Guys stop!"

I guessed they were kissing, I laughed at Michael.

"Sorry...so what's up?"

Michael shrugged. "Nothing."

They talked and joked around for a bit, I was caught in my own mind as they talked.

I can't shake out of it sometimes. You know, you just get kinda...stuck in there even if you should be paying attention to someone or something. Being stuck is bad for most, leading to self hating thoughts and risky actions.

"Ashton's with you, right?" Luke asked. I sat up at the sound of my name snapping back into reality. Michael looked towards me to see if I was still here.

"Yeah, he is...why?"

"Tell him to come here."

Since I could hear him, I did as Luke said. I sat down next to Michael, our thighs touching. My heart started racing once again at the thought.

"I have something to tell you guys..."

Luke dropped eye contact, playing with the braclets on his wrist. Calum was watching him, his eyes filled with concern at the boy. He really liked Luke, it was obvious as he moved his arm around Luke's shoulders, moving him closer to his own chest. They weren't in their dorm, must've been home since it was fall break still.

I was quiet as well as Michael, both waiting patiently for Luke to tell us. I guess we both knew that he needed to take his time and needed a little space 'cause it seemed to be a big thing to him.

He blurted out "I'm gay."

I was confused at frist, my mind asking so many questions at once, making me look towards the floor with my eyes closed.

Why aren't you angry at him? Do you accept it? Do you accept yourself? How did he find out? How did he accpet it himself? Why can't you accept it yourself? Why?

"Okay." I opened my eyes and looked towards Michael, he had a smile on his face. It was reasuring for Luke, who looked up and actually smiled himself.

I accept him...but I will never accept myself.

"Yeah, it's cool." My voice was calm even if I didn't feel calm.

Luke breathed out the breath he was apparently holding, chuckling quietly. Calum whispered something into his ear and kissed him cheek. He looked at us.

"Oh and..." Calum's smile was wide. "We're dating."

I glanced at Michael, who was smiling widely too. "Fucking finally."

We all laughed, starting to talk once again.

There was only one nagging thing in my the back of my mind.

Why can't I accept myself?