AS LONG AS I WAKE UP TODAY

•the thirty-fifth•

I sniffed in his hoodie. Tried to calm me by inhaling the smell of his senses. His senses always calms me no matter what the situation is.
"I'm here okay I'll be here for you".
He strokes my hair his hands were shaking. And i don't blame him but it only made me nervous. I rested my hand on his hand which was still stroking my hair, To make him stop shaking.
"And I'll be here for you too you don't have to protect me, without wanting something in reward". i took our hands from my hair. Leaning back to see his face, he was all broken. Tears welling up in his bloodshot caramel-brown eyes. His cheeks red from a leak of sleep and rest. His lips swollen and beaten up. I whipped my tears away.

He was shaking every inch of his body was tempering from stress.
"Are you stressed, Shawn?".
"I don't know...".
"Hey, it's all fine... if this is all over I'm gonna take you out to my favorite café okay". i drew circles om his hand palm where still blood-soaked the bandage.
"Sound good... but... what if we don't make it out of here?".
"I'll fight to be strong... I'll fight for you to stay alive".
He smiled looked at our hands.
"i really messed things up for us right?".
"I don't understand".
"Like if we hid in the basement if we got a chance to run off".
"and if then we should know each other this good".
"Does that matter for you then".
"Yes if you weren't here there was a change that i shouldn't be alive".
"Same".
"I didn't do anything for you".
"You stayed with me... even through all the stuff that happened with the list and the rumors.".
"If i didn't i would basically have killed you".

Apparently, we had fallen asleep because i opened my eyes with a heavy head. Shawn's head rested on my shoulder. he was slivering like he had a dream
"Shawn... Shawn wake up".
His head shoots up from my shoulder. He was breathing heavily.
"Your still here".
Like I've been gone for long. I rubbed his back in order to calm him down. "Of course I'm here, in fact, I've left you".
"But you... you... i was thanking you for not leaving me and then you said that you needed to check on Demian... so you ran off and... and... they... no sorry... Demian shot you...". he buried his face in his hands.
"It was just a bad dream...hey I'm still alive".
"But it was so real".
"It wasn't really it wasn't".
He didn't calm down like he had an anxiety attack.
"Shawn?".
He didn't respond, trying to calm down.
"Shawn... Shawn can you hear me I'm here I'm right here".
He looked up tears streaming down his jaw.
"Do you have this often?.. your anxiety". I whipped his tears away.
"For quite a while since i was 8 and i started playing ice-hockey... i was so bad, that i was left out. nobody wanted me in there... and sometimes it's like nobody wants me anywhere and they'll leave me alone".
"No no no... i need you here... i want you here. and I'm sure there, are people who love you". I took him in my arms.
"Shawn we are gonna be okay". Buried my hand in his curls rubbed his scalp slowly.

The shotgun was like thunder on a spring morning.

"the thirty-fifth".
"One more less".