AS LONG AS I WAKE UP TODAY

•the fiftieth•

My phone dropped to the ground as i covered my face in my hands i cried without sound. I tried to walk to the sofa to lay down. But out of notting i miss-steped, sprained my feet to the ground i fall on my butt and shoved a few inches to my left. I felt the pain welling up in a low pace. Brought back the pain from my ankel in the same feet. I lay down my feet begun to shrink. As the pain reachted up to my spine.

I layed there for an hour untill the pain abbed away.
I looked at my hands. My nuckels revieled read spots which where outlined with black brushes. The pain swoled up in my sholder and arm.

My mind took me back to the day he numbed my whole right side... my hand, arm and sholder where numb.
The image rushed back to me. Him pushing me against a wall rudely...

That room was my room it was MY safe place. I iceolated myself in it for days. Images stories just by staring to my fairylights. Reading books to try to become smarter.

When i grew older i spent a lot of days with Buddy to in the end relizing few years later that he was just in my mind.
It was my happy safe place my room kept me from the outside world. Nobody came in exept for mom and later on Demian.
I refursed to go back to my safe place after that chrismas eve. I was 13, and he needed to ruin everything.
His sentce filling the room. Broke every good feeling if it.
I remember calling Demian right after it happened. Crying uncontrolebly. He was at my house in 10 minutes has run all to way. We spent that night in my backyard. Lay out threw pillows from the sofa and blankets on the trampoline. He pulled me against his chest to keep us warm since it was freezing outside.
I made up a lie for my mom that i kept seeing paranormale things in my room, which i believed strongly in back then.
I refured to get back over 2 years.

I was wrapped up in my mind when i felt the bullet flying to the air right outside the warehouse.

the fiftieth...