AS LONG AS I WAKE UP TODAY

•the forty-second•

I walked to him to nurse his wound. Forgot that my hands were handcuffed.
"Fuck".
"What?".
"I'm handcuffed".

I can't let him bleed to death.

I started rubbing my hands against the metal. I hurted but i needed to get out.
"Lilia stop it you'll hurt yourself".
I stopped rubbing, felt blood slowly dripping down my wrists.
"You wanna bleed to death?".
He said nothing, Looked down at his feet.
I started rubbing again. The metal cutting in my wrists like a paper cut.
As i got my left hand out i grabbed a bandage from the floor and pulled up his hoodie.
I looked at the wound covering his side and the half of his stomach. I cleaned his wound with just water because he literally begged me to not clean it with something other than water.
It was a big but skin-deep wound. If i bandaged it would be a wast of bandage. I took a pad of gauze lay it on the wound. Held it on its place by tape, which i carefully stuck to his skin.

I catch myself looking at his toned stomach.

He is looking good... no stop... stop... you can't think like that!

I slipped his hoodie back, gave him a weak smile. He didn't even saw it. His eyes were trained on my free hand blood slide from my first.
"Don't say it I'm fine".
"Okay". He smiled like an idiot.
"Why that smile Mendes?".
"You know why" he smiled.

Yes, i know!

"Shut up you wasn't even looking at me".
I imaged it again back in time.

*1 year ago first day of school*
"He is looking at you again" Demain whispered in my ear, hitting my arm.
"No, he is looking at Maya".
"Come on Lilia you are much better than her".
"One, I'm not... second, that doesn't mean he can't love her".
"One day you are gonna kiss somebody Woodsome one day".
"Yea sure in your dreams".
"Its gonna happen anyway i have football training, bye Lilia," he said as he walked away backward.
"Hey" Shawn came up to me.
Demian saw us and made a heart with his hands. I gave him a death look.
"What's wrong". Shawn looked to Demian who already turned around.
"Uhmm... nothing... don't say anything I'm fine".
"Okay,".
He looked over my head to Maya and her group of friends.
"Yea...".
"Lauren was it right?".
"Uhmm no... Lilia".
"Lea?".
"No, Lilia".
"Okay good to talk to you, Lilia". he looked at Maya.
"Oh... okay bye Shawn". i waved at him but he was already gone.

*end of flashback*

I helped him up. He leaned his whole body weight on me Becuase it was already hard for him to breath. I sat him down on the sofa.
I leaned on one of the armrests with shawn's head on my shoulder.
His breath hit my skin. It forced me to fall asleep.
Before i fall sleep i heard a fade sound of gunshots but i really couldn't care less

the forty-second died that night.