Crumbling Paradise

/05/

Jahseh

I looked at the bunch of papers in my hand bile rising to my mouth. My stomach was still bunched up in the same uncomfortable knots that have been present for the past two weeks. One week and five days to be precise. I could feel my mother's eyes fixed on me. However memories begun to flood in my mind of all the times me and stokeley have been together. Everything we ever did from the first moment I ran into him in that juvenile correctional center almost ten years ago. He'd changed my whole outlook on life. From the loner and clearly disturb teenager that I was back then to the positive and social person I turned to be up until recently. My heart contracted in my chest as my eyes burned with tears. Stokeley has been the center of my universe for the longest that right at this moment I felt stranded as I stared at the divorce papers in my hands. Trying to imagine a life without him in it was actually impossible for me. How i could even begin to conjure that up in my head? I just couldn't!

"Jah please. "My mother said next to me breaking, my train of thoughts. I looked up at her. She couldn't face me directly. My gaze shifted to Tay who gave me a sympathetic look. Taking a deep breath I moved the papers closer to my cuffed right hand and shakily put down my signature. Stokeley had already signed them and seeing the complicated scribble of his penmanship I guess broke me more. He really had given up on me. He really believed everything they fed him. He really believed I betrayed him in the one way he feared the most. They knew exactly how to tap into his insecurities and make him push me to the side that quickly but I wasn't going down without a fight. I will find out who was responsible for turning my whole life upside down and I will make them pay even if it drains my last drop of blood.

My hand shook violently as I continued to sign the necessary areas. When I was done, I tossed the papers back to Taymor. I leaned back closing my eyes not even bothering to stop my cascading tears. The dagger in my chest seemed to be sinking deeper and deeper. Stokeley's face swam in my head over and over again. The look of doubt, pain and mistrust in his eyes only serving to make my heart ache even more.

"It's for the best sweetie. At least now your free." My mother's soft voice reached my ears but that fact did nothing to sooth my pain. However I was very much aware of my hand being uncuffed. Freedom! It wasn't as appealing as it should have been.

"Since neither of you signed a pre-"

"I don't want anything from him except my clothes. "My eyes instantly shot open glaring at Taymor. I was suddenly overcome by anger. Stokeley and I never saw the need for a prenup because when we got married we only had a single room with a mattress, one dusty couch and the few clothes we owned to our name. I've watched him become the star he is today. All that was his sweat and blood and I would be damned if i were to ever take even a coin from him. I had enough money of my own to stay out of work for at least ten years at max. All the unnecessary money he would give me, which was like everyday would all go to my account unless I really needed to use it. That summed up with my $83,360 per year salary  was way too much money.

"Jahseh you kno-"

"No I don't know Taymor and I don't want to know. Make this clean and uncomplicated. I got more serious shit to be thinking about. Please." I was tired to be honest and I knew the legal process to get a divorce from such a rich man as Stokeley without any prenup would be hell. I didn't want any of that on my plate. I just had to focus on figuring out what the hell happened to my perfect life. Taymor sighed and walked out.

"I want this thing out of me ma." they may have sedated me yesterday to calm me down but I still didn't want it inside my body. It made me feel disgusting. I've always wanted children but not like this. I wanted Stokeley's babies but sadly that wasn't possible. After a horrible accident Stokeley couldn't father any children. It tore at his heart but he wouldn't admit it. I was okay with not having children as long as I was with him.