Testing waters

Ch.18 Jenna found out

Ryan's POV

I looked into her eyes awaiting for a response but all I got in response were silent tears. "Your just saying that so I won't do it! I know you don't care" I hear her say so quiet it was almost a whisper. "Sava-" I tried to finish but she cut me off "Ryan please stop" she said. I couldn't do it I couldn't leave her I was in love with her I couldn't let anything happen to her, "Savannah I'm in love with you I love you and I don't care if you don't believe me but I will never let anything bad happen to you because Savannah I'm in love" I emphasized the word love each time I said it but she didn't seem to care or believe me. I scooted closer to her and rapped my arms around her waist. She turned and looked into my eyes. "Do you believe me" I asked she nodded. "I love you too" she said and I whipped the rest of the tears from her face.

She soon wrapped her arms back around me and I let her head rest on my chest. "I love you" I said again. "I love you too" she said and for a moment I thought I saw a hint of a smile. "Does this mean your my girlfriend now?" I asked. "Only if you want me to be" "I want you to be, Savannah will you be my beautiful perfect girlfriend?" I asked and likely stroked her hair, "yes, I Savannah take you Ryan to be my boyfriend" she said and in that moment I felt like things were perfect.

Savannah's POV 3 hours later

Ryan had to go a few hours later and I sat on the couch wondering how I could go from ok to completely depressed in a matter of hours. I rolled up my sweatshirt and examined the healing cuts on my arms. Oh god what did I do? How was I ever going to hide these. The scariest part out of all of this is I. Ever even thought of cutting before the very thought off it disgusts me so why did I do it? Because Jenna, I'm not saying this was her fault it was of course my choice but her last words to me just made me go off the wall crazy and after that I couldn't think anything except she was right, but really she was only right about one thing, Ryan Is the thing keeping me sane the one and only thing.

I rushed up to my room to finish homework and then sat in my chair next to my desk going online. I went onto Facebook and immediately saw a friend request *killyourselfsavvanah* would like to be your friend. I ignored the request but clicked onto the page and of course there was some stupid picture on me and the comments oh god the comments. I couldn't even bring my self to read them I can't go to that point again.

***

Ryan pulled up in front of my house, wait Ryan? I ran outside "I thought you didn't have your license!" I exclaimed as I rushed out of the house making sure to wear a long sleeve sweater jeans boots and had my hair in a high ponytail. "There was a reason I had to go yesterday, now I can drive us around instead of jasper!" He said and ran up to me pulling me into a big hug.

We got into the car and walked in through the front doors of the worst place on the planet high school. Ryan wrapped his arm around my shoulders and insisted on carrying my bag. We walked through the building to our lockers and then to home room. "I'm going to go grab my water from my locker I'll be right back" Ryan said and I nodded and walked into the class taking my seat. I put Ryan's bag next to my desk but on the opposite side to me I heard someone sit down. I turned my head to find the one and only Jenna. "Hey cry baby decided to finally show up" she spat. She then grabbed my wrist and I winced in pain from the fabric coming in contact with my cuts. "Oh come on I didn't even grab you that hard" she snickered and then her mouth formed a O shape as I pulled my arm away. "You cut didn't you" she said. Before I even had a chance to answer she pulled up my sweater and examined my arm. She didn't say anything just gulped and immediately let go of my arm. "Wimp they aren't even that deep you should've done worse maybe then you would've bled to death" she said and I shuddered at the thought of me cutting so deep that I would be laying on my bathroom floor dead right about now. Just then Ryan came over and took his seat next to me kissing me on the cheek. "Wait what are you doing here, Jenna just go away already" he said. She rolled her eyes and moved a few rows back. "Hey baby" he said and he slid his arm around my waist pulling me into him.

As soon as the teacher finished announcements Ryan and I bolted out of class to go to the vending machines since we both skipped breakfast. I kept thinking about what Jenna saw and I thought about what Ryan would do if he found out about me cutting. I should tell him before he finds out himself but we just got together and I feel like it would just ruin everything.

Ryan bought me a granola bar and I immediately ate it and he did too. "You ok you seem upset" he said. "Sorry just thinking" I said and rapped my arms around his neck and kissed him on the cheek. I have never kissed someone before on the lips I mean and I know I'm nearing the end of my high school years but I don't know no one has ever seen my like Ryan and I think he understood that he was my first boyfriend so he of course was taking things slow for me.

"I love you" I said "I love you too" he whispered into my ear sending chills down my spine. "Let's get to class before were late" I said and he slipped his hand into mine as we walked down the hallway.