Testing waters

Ch.41 razzors

I collapsed on my front porch sobbing on the steps not able to do anything else.

I lost him.

Jenna and Bella were running down the street when they found me. "You better not talk to him again or you'll know what happens" Jenna said.

After they left I must have sat on that porch for hours. I couldn't handle it.

I entered the empty house and walked into the bathroom locking the door. I grabbed onto the counter to steady myself as I looked at my broken self in the mirror.

My eye was black my cheeks were purple my lips were busted dried blood caked half of my face. No wonder Ryan was so nervous.

I grabbed the razor from my drawer and rolled up my sleeves.

My scars were healing they looked better almost.

Not for long.

I took the sharp metal and slid it against my wrist.

Your worthless.

The warm blood trickled down my arms.

Your ugly your horrible you don't deserve anything or anyone.

I continued to slash at my arms sobbing not because of the pain because of how right Bella was. You could feel the truth she wasn't making it up.

Both my arms were covered in blood and I dropped the razor collapsing onto my door.

Violent sobs racked my body and I punched the cabinet in frustration.
I was a complete mess and there was nothing I could do.

I didn't bother to clean my arms but I do remember falling asleep on the bathroom floor.

***

Waking up was hard. I was aching in pain my ribs were bruised my hand was purple the entire process was a struggle.

I stepped into the shower washing away evidence of last nights events.

I stepped out feeling fresher but I still felt dirty on the inside. My scars were numb and painful. I slid on a t shirt and a black sweatshirt over it. I out on some jeans and boots and through my hair into a pony tail.

My bruises made me look disgusting no matter how much concealer I tried to put on. I finally gave up and washed the makeup off my face grabbing my bag and going downstairs.

Oh yeah Ryan wouldn't be picking me up.

My lip wobbled remembering what I did to him.

I started to walk when the familiar car pulled into my driveway. "Savannah?" He asked. "I can't talk to you Ryan I really can't" I tried to say loud but it came out as a cowardly whisper.

"Savannah I know someone is forcing you to do this look at the bruises Sav! Look at them someone did this to you someone's hurting you someone's forcing you to stay away I'm not an idiot Sav!" He yelled getting out of his car.

I turned away from him but he grabbed my sweatshirt as I pulled up my arm making the fabric slip down to my elbow.

Oh no.

"Your promised me you would never do it again" he whispered looking at my arm. I pulled away as fast as I could and ran down the street wiping away the fresh tears that just didn't seem to stop.