Beyond the beauty you can see (onhold)

Chapter 12

 Trishia Khyleigh

When I was young I was trying to impress my family, no, to be honest I was pleasing them. Lahat ng mga pinsan ko, I've once envy each one of them... each one of Cruz. Because Dada was always proud of them, praising them, lifting them, guiding them, supporting them while me... still the same, with or without achievement.

Mama is a vocal person. She always speaks her thoughts, she's always proud of telling her friends about her sons while she also denies having a daughter. Lagi ko lang pinanghahahawakan noon, papa said that mama named me. She specifically named me, tinatama pa nga raw niya lagi ang wrong pronunciation ng ibang tao tungkul doon. So It made me hope somehow, my named signifies her unconditional love for me even if I can't feel it even see it! Daig ko pa noon ang martir sa mga opera dahil sa kabaitan ko.

I realize, nothing is impossible in this world. Right now, dada is very proud of whatever I'll do. Mama accepted and saw me as her daughter. The simple wished I wished every night came true. That's more than enough for me. Years of waiting for them to see my worth, it's worth the wait.

There's no such perfect family. Eventually, our parents told us honestly that some of us was a product of their failures, their mistakes but some are products of force and pressure. Although, there are some of us who happened to be a real product of true love yet what matter the most for us, we're doing our best to be the better version of ourselves despite of the failures and mistakes that our parents made.

Naramdamam ko ang paghimas ng mimi sa kamay ko. Kaya bumaling ako sa kaniya. My eyes were watering kaya kahit hindi klaro sa aking paningin, nakita ko na nabahala siya. I smiled.

"Mi, told you? Everything was worth it." Nanginginig kong saad and because of my mimi reaction soften. I burst out crying.

Hindi man nakikita ng blurry kong mata dahil sa luha, naririnig ng mga tainga ko ang biglang pagtahimik ng lahat. I felt their eyes on me, eyes that is crying and repeatedly saying sorry to me.

"Hija..." mahinang tawag niya saakin.

"Waiting for years was worth it, mi. Mama, dada, kuya Ty and lastly, myself." Dagdag ko

Mimi hold my held tighter and hugged it. Kinulong niya ito sa gitna ng kaniyang kamay at pisngi. Kaya mas naiiyak ako. Ever since, mimi is the only thing I can call home except from papa Ranz, of course. She's very consistent grandma to me. Nothing change between us, up until now.

Mommy walk towards me. Umupo siya sa tabi ko then dad was in her side. Most of them are looking at me while I'm talking here. The Cruz first and Second Generation can't help but to cry. The third gen remained silent while listening to me venting out my thoughts.

Dada once told me that they didn't considered themselves as the first Generation of Cruz. Kasi nga watak-watak silang magkakapatid. He think they didn't gave an honour to their names and sadly, one of them changed his surname. But I considered, cos the change among Cruz bloodline legacy and name started to change because of them. Dada, lolo Zurich and lolo Zucchini started the rebellion to their parents and relatives for their freedom and ours too. We can't have the freedom to love, express and talk if dada and lolo didn't had the courage and bravery to broke the legacy.

"It was indeed hard and bumpy, mi. Although it was the thrilling part of my life. Life without pain is lifeless. Nagkataon lang talaga noong umulan ng kamalasan, hindi ko lang siya sinalo... hindi lang ako naligo, nalunod ako, mi." I was drowned and as what happened in the reality, I drowned until I lost myself.

My mommy Ella hugged me. I don't know why I am very emotional right now. Is this a side effects of too much medicines or just bursting it out after years? After years of keeping those questions between the two of us. Just Ash and I.

The pain, the questions, the grief and the words I hide all over the years escaped. I don't know, but, the thing was I'm grateful because of that. Siguro natakot akong sabihin iyun noon kasi gusto kong dalhin hanggang hukay cos I was thinking of the burnden I can cause to these people pero dahil binigyan ako ni Lord ng bagong buhay. I'll do my best to do my best at all times. I will say whatever I wanted. I will do whatever I want. I'll achieve every piece of my dream cuz my impossible dream come true.

I think, yeah, the realization just hit me. The journey that no one could believe that I conquered, even my life to death situations. That's more than death for me.

"Yes, it was worth the wait, hija. And thank you for waiting your dada and mama. I barely know what kind of grandfather he is to you, and I'm really sorry." Saad ni mimi kaya mas lalo akong umiyak.

"Because of us, you suffered. Hindi mo sinalo, hindi ka nalunod hija. We drowned you, it was us. Kami ang naglunod sa iyo. If we are that good, you will not pass through that."

My mom cares my hair while dada is doing that to mimi. Mimi is crying already, yakap-yakap pa rin ang kamay ko. Humahagulgul ng iyak.

Before, everything between us was being settled by a heart warming hugged and a simple sorry. No conversation, just that. It was sealed and swore. We never talk and bother to dig about it. Para saakin, tapos na rin. I just want to be at peace and happy. That's all.

But my mom is always right. I can't escape in my own cage if I won't open up. Cage full of pain of my past.


"I'm sorry." My dada's voice woke me up from my own imagination of past.

Even if it was blurry, I can clearly see the tears from his eyes down to his cheeks. His eyes was full of regrets and pain. What did I do to make the great Zachareous Cruz Sr. cry?

Thankfully lolo Zucchini walk towards dada and cares his back too. Sayang wala si lolo Zurich but I know he's seeing this.

"I was wrong and I deeply regret everything. I was hurt seeing Mareilla miserable in just seeing you to the point I was hurting you, torturing and depriving you. I'm really sorry, apo. I know, it is not enough but I'm trying my best para makabawi."

I know how hard my lolo tried to be look cool towards me everytime. Kasi ganoob si dada, kalmado lang lagi at tahimik. Nakikita ko siya laging nakatingin saakin gamit ang reflection ko sa mga salamin. Regrets was posted all over his face. And I can feel that everytime his eyes laid on me. I wanted to talk to him to end his suffering pero mag-uungkitan lang kami ng nakaraan. Hindi pa ako noong handa kaya hinayaan ko.

"It's okay, dada. I just realized that everything was worth it. I didn't mean that way." Tumango siya.

"Isa pa, ako ang may kasalanan dito." Papa interjected

"I was secretive and I lied. I'm sorry too." Paghingi ng tawad ni papa saamin.

Dad hugged mom that was hugging me the whole time. Papa embraced mama, I can see most of them are crying. Mimi squeeze my hand kaya bumaling ang aking atensyon sa kaniya bago ko pa masaksikan ang lahat ng nangyayari sa paligid ko. Magkatabi sila ni dada, nakaupo siya habang nakatayo sa kilod niya si dada. Nasa likod nilang dalawa si Lolo Zucchini at lola Dana.

"I'm at fault too but let's not dig about that. Matagal na nating nilimot ang pagkakamaling nagawa natin noon, pinatawad at nagsisimula tayong lahat ngayon so let's set free all those pain. Sky, I know it it hard but please try to set it free." Daddy spoke and I nod.

Mahirap din kasing panghawakan ang sakit na nararamdaman ko. Inaamin ko naman na sa pagdaan ng panahon, paunti-unti siyang kumakalawa mula saakin pero right now. I'm thinking of letting it go, fully. Tama si mommy, takot akong bumitaw because letting go of this pain means letting go of my scars that made me of who am I today, and I think I was wrong cos I can't be happy with these scars... this is killing me and depriving me to have the better future ahead of me. Ito yung bagay na pilit akong hinahatak pabalik sa nakaraan kaya hindi ko maabot ang naghihintay saakin sa hinaharap.

After years of suffering. Lost in the middle of nowhere. Everyday, every morning that passed was lonely while I was trying to find a place I can call home. The day I took back these people in front of me is the day I knew, I'm finally found. I may not be luckly but God let me realize that I am blessed.

"Your Harabuji agreed to this for your own peace. He wanted you to be at peace before finally leaving this world. But look how life wanted you to be, He gave you another life because he knows you deserve it."

Quite indeed. I was ready to face my death because I believe its my bittersweet rest. I was excited to say hi to everyone above there. Marami akong gustong kamustahin at makasama doon but God gave me his sign once again that it is still not the right time. Ang haba naman ng buhay ko, grade isa nalang talaga Lord masasabi ko ng paborito mo ako.

I didn't just faced my death but I faced my fear. Masaya akong nakayanan ko lahat ng iyun ng mag-isa gamit ang sarili kong paa, all through out. It was hard but life is naturally hard.

I think I indebted my life to my family once again. They save me in a way of letting me go. If they didn't, baka siguro ngayon I'm still waiting at the right time to come that God will take me. Babawiin at isasama niya ako sa paraisong hindi ako makakaramdam ng kirot at sakit, lahat masaya lang although that's what I want, no, that is what I am fighting and striving for... my happiness.

But do I deserve this? In order for me to live. Many people sacrificed themselves just to save me and prolong my life. To make me happy.

To be honest, I'm contented with Ash with our family. His, mine and the rest of Royalties. Wala ng hihigit pa doon. But God given me time to came back and clear everything here at Negrense.

I'm scared that everyone may recognize me but I think I should conquer that too. Because I can't clear Trishia Khyleigh's name, my name here if I won't.

After that talk, we remain silent, everyone is crying. Nahihirapan akong magsalita, looking at them makes me feel so guilty. They look disappointed with themselves. Hindi dapat nila kinakahiya ang pagkakamaling iyun, that made us strong even more. We realize many things because of that, it was our biggest stepping stone. Oo nagkamali nga sila pero lahat naman nagkakamali sa buhay.

The talk continues and we all settled in peace finally. Because I opened up, the topic opened so we ended it up well. Sa haba-haba ng pinag-uusapan namin may napansin akong hindi ko lubusang akalain na tama ang hinala ko noon pa man. Hindi ako na ako nabiglanpero kinalabutan ako.

Hindi ko alam kong tama ang nakikita ko. I saw a twin, a boy and a girl beside kuya Zeroh and ate Hera. Ngumiti lang si ate saakin habang busy si kuya kakakulit sa dalawang bata. Don't tell me, tinaguan ng anak ni ate si kuya? What the hell?

Elijah was playing with the twins too. Noong mapagtanto ni uncle Marcus na nakatingin ako sa anak niya, humalakhak siya bigla kaya napatingin sila kay tito. Tito pointed me, still laughing holding his tummy, kaya bumaling sila saakin na nakatingin sa munting pamilya ni kuya. I know, it's his. Kamukhang kamukha niya ang batang lalaki! I idolize how handsone Zeroh when we're young gosh! Goddammit, wow?! As in kuhang-kuha.

"My son was busy with his studies kaya tinaguan ng anak ni Phiya baby girl." Nalaglag ang aking panga. Hindi na sana ako magtatanong, it's there business. The important thing for me is our peace.

Kuya Zeroh bloodshot eyes immediately went to his dad. Tita Flair laughed together with my uncle's wives who are present here today.

On my opinion, I had the same thought. I saw how broken ate Hera was, I didn't expect that it was my own cousin. Although at the second thought, kuya suffered too. Kitang kita ko kung gaano siya nahirapan noong nawala ang babaeng pinakamamahal niya. I didn't know who's the girl that time but now I know. Hindi ko akalain, ang noong inaaway lang ni ate, ama na ngayon ng anak niya. Hala sige, they gave justice to the quote. 'The more you hate, the more you love.'

Kuya Zeroh and ate Hera? Together? Children? What the heck, life changing... but wait, sigurado akong puputok butchi ni kuya Cj dito. Cj na kapatid ni ate Hera po, hate na hate noon ang apelyedo namin e.


"Bakit hindi mo tinuruan si Zeroh, Ty. Para naman hindi na sana nasayang ang munting luha niya." Kuya Third joked and everybody laughed, no, except ate Zaerah. Seryoso pa rin siyang nakatingin sa kapatid niya at kay ate Hera. Well, yeah, kinda weird. They have children because of theirs argument?

Owh freaking wait, how can kuya Ty teach him when he's fucking absent. Ang bobo talaga nitong si Third, di nag-iisip.

"Paano niya matuturuan, wala nga siya. Tanga lang, Third? Mag-isip ka naman?!" Pambabara ni kuya Zej kay kuya Third. Here we go again...

"Cj, paano ba yan? Magiging Cruz na ata si Phiya?" Kuya Vin teased him and he just groan because of frustration.

"Okay lang ba ang iyung paghinga, kaibigan?" Kuya Zej asked that made kuya Cj close his eyes to control his temper.

"Hindi, hindi! Kahit mamatay ako... galit ako sayo, sa inyong mga Cruz!" Kuya Cj bursting out and we ended up laughing at their conversation. Kuya Cj despise Cruz. Lol but the fact is, napapalibutan siya ng Cruz.

I saw how their eyes met. The happiness in ate Hera and the bereavement on kuya Zeroh. I can feel the love and longing for each other. Tangina, magpakasal na kayo. Hindi ko alam na paborito ni kuya ang laro ng taguan ng feelings habang ang taguan naman ng anak ang kay ate. How great couple they are.

But I realize, kuya Zeroh never cry. In anything? No, he didn't. Kahit anong sakit pa na maramdaman niya, he will never cry. Pareho sila ni tito Marcus, how much intense everything, they are still calm and serious as hell. I didn't see and heard kuya cry, not even once.


"Phiya naman kasi, bakit mo tinaguan! Ayan tuloy parang magba-back out sa Law School. Tara, Zeroh. Maglayas na tayo." Kuya Zej said and I shook my head. "Dada, mimi bye."

Idiots! Kapag siya tinaguan rin ng anak, ako ang unang tatawa. Inggit lang siya e. Siya ang unang apo, ang kambal naman ang favorite. Ngek, budol amputa.

Mimi laughed a bit. Napapahid nalang tuloy si mimi ng luha niya. Mga baliw talaga ang mga ito.

"Wait, wait... So I'm a hella tita now? Of what, a new three? Wait, may magdadagdag pa ba?" Ate Zaerah broke the silence

Humagalpak silang lahat dahil sa naging reaksyon ni ate. Hinagod ko ang aking mukha sabay takip sa aking bibig. Nagulat talaga ako! Seryoso. I never thought na sa sobrang inis na inis sila sa isa't isa, nagka-anak sila.

Everytime they will meet, they clash. They always exchange of frowns, deadly stares and rolling eyes. They always argue of everything even a small things like choosing color of shirts or outfits. Hindi napapansin ng lahat pero ako oo! Because you will exclusively witness the irritated and irrational side of Zeroh in front of ate Hera. Grabe, yung galit pala nakakabuntis?

"Baka si ate Sapphire, may idadagdag siya." Ate Sapphire eyes rolled. Kuya Bryce grimace. Hanggang ngayon, away bati din itong dalawa. I'm asking why do hate turns into love? But in their love story. It was love turned into hate but that hate turned into love again.

"Wag niyo akong pake-alaman. Chismoso niyo masyado, state the obvious here, ang bobo naman." Saway ni ate kaya ngumiwi sila. One point for ate. Shit, naiiyak ako kakatawa sa kanila.

"Edi si kuya. Kuya, may laman na ba?" Kuya winked and our lips parted. Humalakhak ang mga tito ko together with their wives.

I always wanted to say this, but, I cant. They always knew a thing but they let us do it on our own. Yes, they may know sometimes late yet that late is earlier than us, my papa and daddy is very good at that. And owh, especially my grandfather.

"Hindi, feeling ko Laufer meron! Huy, musta ka na lover boy?" Salida ni kuya Third habang humahagalpak ng tawa.

"Gago!" Mura sa kaniya ng nakabusangot na Laufer. Kaya humagalpak ang lahat.

"Ano ba nangyari diyan, Doff? Dito daw muna saamin e. Nagsawa na sa mansion niyo? Yan kasi ang boboring niyo!" Biro ni tito Zach, ngumiwi si tita Geneva.

No one will get tired of their mansion for goodness sake.

"Hindi naman sa inyo, Zach, kayna Ranzie. Sa mukha mong yan? Sa tingin mo ba gustong tumira ng anak ko sa iisang bubong kasama mo?" Bara sa kaniya ni tita Geneva na kinangasim naman ng mukha ni tito.

Humagalpak ang lahat dahil doon. May katapat na si tito Zach. Kawawa naman, hindi nakaimik. Eh, sa taba ng utak niya sa asaran e.

"Hindi lang naman siya, Harviell too. Also Laurieh is planning to transfer in Mainstreet. Hindi ko din alam bakit." Tito Doff spoke

"Okay lang din naman. Busy kami ni Doff, kaya ipagkakatuwala muna sila sa inyo. Kung p-pwede..." tita Geneva soften. Mama laughed and of course nod to tita.

"Of course, parang hindi sila magpipinsan. Ngunit, mga hijo at hija. Bakit gusto niyong manatili muna dito?" Mimi asked them

"I wanted to breathe first. Madami na kaming gagawin when the semester starts." Straightforward said by kuya Harviell

Well, Harviell is a nerd, well, in terms of studying but hot in lifestyle. Lahat nahuhumaling diyan. I wanted to spend time to them also. Our relationship of Cruz is like a very strong stringed yet still, I wanted to be with them. Laurieh is what I wanted to talk so bad. Kuya Harviell, I wanted to see the inner him just like kuya Zeroh.

"Ngayon palang break niyo, Viell?" Kuya Tres asked and kuya Harviell nod. Kuya Tres forehead crest.

"Akala ko noong nakaraang buwan pa. Tia was free these past few months. Nagliliwawil nalang e." Pagtataka ni kuya.

Kuya Viel sigh and looked away. "She dropped herself out."

"Why?" They asked and kuya answered them with a simple shrugged. I shook my head, hindi na bago iyun kay ate Tia. The most ruthless among them, who happened to be a girl. So everyone in their family got confused, so as us.

They looked at me when I coughed. I looked away and they all coughed too. May sakit ba kami? Gosh, awkward moment.

"Okay, nevermind. By the way, Laurieh, are you transferring?" Mama asked her

"I am!" Mabilis niyang salida "I don't want to my previous school. It's toxic there! Nakakairita." She annoyingly said.

Lahat kami napatingin sa isa't isa. She did a great choice but why am I feeling sad about it? I'm feeling that it will be a bad idea for her. I want her to change but her bad habits not her whole self.


"Okay then. I'll notify the President of the school, your Lolo Anton. Nakong bata ka. Hindi ako mabait, alam mo yan Laurieh Maureen. Kaya baka magtaka ka, I don't tolerate rebellious acts." Tinuro niya si Lau at tumango naman siya.

I looked at my mama and she just shrugged. Too vocal mama, too much!

"I meant was, hindi tayo magkapareho ng ugali, kagaya ng mama mo. So, you might get intimidated of how strict I am, Laurieh." We all laughed when they both chuckled.

You can't have your liberty in our house. I wanted to say that cos that what mama is. She's used to dada's rule such as being home at six pm if you wanted extension just six thirty. If hanging out with cousin, then party all night.

My mom is very strict while her mom is very lossy of her freedom. So, she really might get intimidated.

"Opo, my. That's why I wanted to be with you. I'll adjust. I promise to be good. Kaya nga ako aalis sa dating school ko. I want to change!" She sounds desperate to me to be honest and I don't like it. I love Laurieh so much together with her bratty acts. Kung wala siya, walang magpapasakit sa ulo nina tito at kuya Laufer.

"Laurieh, change for the better, not just you wanted it. Not all changes are good. We love you of who and what you are with all those flaws in you. You're not Laurieh if you're not bratty. We're used to it. And we love it." I said and she just gave me another frown. See how brat that girl is? Perks of being ow so good cousin, you can't get angry.

"I know, but I wanted to discover the Laurieh without my bratty acts. I want to be Laurieh like you, like them, ate. That everyone will be proud of me." She insisted and each everyone of us saddened.

"Hey, we are proud of you." Her kuyas told her and she just frowned.

"Lau, you are unique among Cruz. Why are you comparing?" Ate Jeyd asked her. She just breath heavily.

"Nakong bata ka, in love kaba? Ganyan na ganyan ang mommy mo noong na inlove sa daddy mong mukhang lilipadin ng hangin." Sita ni tito General sa kaniya.

Humagalpak ang lahat dahil doon. Sakit naman ng lilipadin ng hangin. Tagos to the bone yarn.

"No, I wanted to change for dad. I feel that he'll be bankrupt because of me." Biro ni Laurieh kaya tumawa ang lahat. Tito soften kaya mas napailing ako.

I can see on Laurieh the different side of those words. Iba ang pagkakaintindi ko ng mga salita niya. Parang sinasabi niyang malulugi ang dad niya dahil sa kaniya.

"Laurieh, bankruptcy will occurs when a person risk too much without assurance." Kuya Tres spoke

He also understand her words the way I was. I feel bad. We never thought that she may think this way.

"And my dad will risk all, just for me." She's completely right.

"But, I'm pointing out is, your dad will secure everything before he will bet. Your, our future are the most important priority of our parents. You're dad is a great businessman so kindly trust his judgement." I shook my head with the conversation of Laurieh and kuya Tres.

I don't like the idea of this conversation. It feels like going to somewhere else. Everyone got serious because of the tine of kuya Tres. Laurieh's brother wanted to shut my brother's sharp mouth but then they knew no one could. Kaya hinayaan nalang nila. My brother wasn't that harsh tho.

"I just-"

"Lau baby, listen to me." I spoke and she obeyed me. Tumingin siya saakin ng deretso at malumanay na tuamango.

"About what happened, we all knew. Nanahimik lang kami cos we don't want to stress you out. We are not tolerating you because you're still young and our baby but because we knew that you're innocent. You were very affected. And what happened was totally a set up. We believe you. No matter what happen, we are here for you. We are willing to push all the lucks to prove your innocence."

Laurieh was involved in an incident so I guess everyone in her school is talking about it. It made a big issue because she's a Cruz. Everybody knew that each one of woman in Cruz is prim and proper. I don't like that mindset too, not every Cruz should be like that because we decided for our life. Even our grandparents were proud of who we are!

"It was partly-"

"I have my own eyes on you, Laurieh. You maybe the most brat among us but we know that you won't let yourself involved with that kind of shits. So don't gave me a damn lie. I'm a lie detector itself." She chuckled while wiping her tears. Gosh, can everyone stop the drama?

"Thank you for believing me." She chuckled and quickly gave me a smile. I gasped and frown.

"No matter what happen. Lau. Everyone is unique. You may be brat but you're not Laurieh without bratty acts. Understand? What you really need is, to see the reality outside of your comfort zone." I said and she nod.