Caught

Chapter 24

LOUIS

Harry’s bed is so warm, and it smells just like him.

Harry is at the store with his mom, I said I needed time alone.

I can’t do this anymore. I give up.

Why should I have to live in a world where all I will ever feel is pain?

I remember back in my sophomore year, in my history class, we were talking about suicide, and everyone came to the conclusion that it’s selfish, it’s wrong and it’s a sin. At the time I thought they might be right, but until you feel the unbearable pain that some people go through, you will never understand.

A burning sensation runs through my arms and chest and a tear rolls down my face.

I know what I want to do.

I can’t stop thinking about Harry. He needs me.

It’s too late, my heart has already made my decision.

Across the room is Harry’s laptop. I walk over to it and turn it on.

 I turn on the webcam. I start recording myself.

“Hi Harry.” I say smiling. “I love you so much. I believe everyone is born missing a few pieces, and throughout life, you have to find those pieces. Some people may never find them all, maybe they will only find a few. I don’t think I found all of my pieces, but I know you were one of them. You made my life bearable Harry, and I just want you to understand why I did this. My mom hates me. She was all the family I had. My friends hate me. Why would I want to live in a world alone? I know you’re saying I have you, and you is good enough, but I just can’t take the pain anymore. You have to believe me. I can’t take wanting to die every second of every day.” I say, tears streaming down my face now.

“I’m so sorry Harry, please don’t hate me. Please just go be happy. Fall in love with someone who is strong enough for you, who is beautiful inside and out just like you. I could never love another soul the way I have loved you Mr. Styles. Just know that I’m at peace now. My body doesn’t hurt, my heart isn’t in pain anymore. I don’t have to feel the pain anymore.” I say, pausing.

I just want him to be okay. I know he won’t be, and I know there is nothing more I can do.

“I’m not the only one for you Harry, you will find someone great, someone who can give you everything you want. I can’t. Just know you will always be the only one for me.” I say, bursting into tears.

I just want to talk to him. I don’t know what else to say. I know I’m just trying to justify what I’m doing.

“Do you remember the day we met? In the bathroom. I promise that was the day I fell in love with you. You have always been so perfect Harry, from your cute little dimples, and your soft curls that fall in your face when you laugh, your laugh can make anyone fall in love with you.” I say, starting to smile. I laugh, thinking about Harry.

I sit in silence on the camera for a while, crying, sometimes laughing.

The decision I made gets easier. I know it’s time.

“I love you Harry, always and forever. Goodbye.” I say, blowing him a kiss.

I save the video and leave it on the home screen for him to see.

I walk into the bathroom and lift the carpet up.

Hidden under the carpet is a secret stash of pills I kept from Harry. There’s nine pills in the bag, just enough to let me fall asleep and never wake back up.

I start to cry again as my body starts to tingle.

A part of me is telling me to stop, but I know I’m not going to.

I pour the pills into my hand, and one by one, I slip them between my lips and swallow.

One. Two. Three. Four.

Finally, I swallow the ninth pill. I go back into the room and lay on the bed, letting my body shut down.

I start to sob, but I can’t help but smile, knowing this will all be over soon. I won’t have to hurt anymore in just a few minutes.

I know I won’t go painlessly. My stomach starts to burn, and my limbs start to go numb. I feel like I’m going to throw up.

Things start to blur, they start to get brighter. Maybe I’ll go to heaven, maybe hell. Or maybe, none of that shit is real.

My heart starts to beat slower, my stomach is on fire and I can’t feel my legs. The room is spinning and I’m still crying.

I can feel myself slowly falling asleep.

Slowly…

…

Hey guys! I'm back! Sorry I took so long to update, you know I have work & stuff. I'm so happy I'm finally getting to write again & i hope you guys loved this chapter! The story is going to be coming to an end soon so comment & tell me what you think of it! I almost have 10k reads & that just blows my mind. I love you guys so much & thank you for staying around as long as you hhave been. 

Always so much love, Robia <3