The Vulture's Nefarious Plans | RWBY/Vulture Crossover

Volume 2 Chapter 3: Coulrophobia

The Vulture got up at the crack of dawn with a yawn and a stretch. Just as he was about to start his morning routine, he noticed The Eagle staring out the window with a mug that he presumed had coffee, but was actually just empty. It was a little strange, since for the past few months he had to be the one to wake up the crew.

"Hey." The Vulture greeted and rubbed his eyes.

"Hey." The Eagle responded, still staring at who knows what.

"What's going on?" The Vulture asked, trying to make his way to the window.

"Uh, I had to go pee in the bucket and I saw this guy outside." The Eagle responded nodding his head to a man with a clown mask. As freaky as it sounded, it wasn't scary at all. The mask wasn't creepy and the guy seemed to be waiting for something, tapping his foot and checking his nonexistent watch. "He's been out there for at least a few hours."

"I'll handle it." The Vulture opened the door and walked out, while The Eagle walked from the window to the cots of Matt and Beefer to wake them up in case things went south.

"H-Hey buddy." The Vulture spoke cautiously, not with the tone of being threatened, but more like talking to a lost child or small, scared animal. By the time he had walked up to him, the rest of the crew was outside by the door.

"Hey. Are you The Vulture?" The clown guy spoke as if he was chewing something. The Vulture simply nodded, allowing him to continue. "Can I join you guys?" He asked.

"Uh, let me talk to group first, okay?" The Vulture said and walked back to the other three standing outside the door.

"What does he want?" Matt Demon asked, not taking his eyes off the clown.

"Apparently to join us." The Vulture responded.

"You're not gonna let him, are you?" Beefer asked, to which The Vulture shook his head.

"Oh, of course not." The Vulture answered and glanced back at him. "But I figured we'd entertain him, y'know? I kinda feel bad that he came all the way here and waited out there for at least a few hours just to turn him down immediately."

"What are you gonna do then?" The Eagle asked.

"I'm just gonna make a fake test thing and when he fails I'll just say he didn't make the cut." The Vulture explained and walked back to him.

"Hey, so we are gonna put you through the mandatory test to see if you'd make a good fit." The Vulture told the clown man, who gave a thumbs up and continued chewing. "What are you eating?"

"Jelly beans."

"O-Okay." The Vulture responded and walked back to his crew. "Alright, so two of you are gonna have to make some kind of obstacle course with targets to shoot while me and the other one talk to him."

"I just swallowed a jelly bean, whole. ACK!" They heard from a few yards away.

"I volunteer myself to make the course." Beefer said almost immediately after that.

"Yeah, count me in. I think this is the only instance where I'd rather do manual labor than stand around and talk." Matt Demon said. With that the two left to work on the obstacle course while the leader and his right hand man went over to talk to clown dude.

"Hey, so they're gonna set up your test so, just hang in tight, I guess." The Vulture told Mr.Clown, who again, gave a thumbs up.

"So, what's your name?" The Eagle asked after a very long and uncomfortable silence.

"Lieutenant Honk." Lt. Honk responded.

It took every fiber in The Vulture's body not to give a sarcastic remark. "Lieutenant Honk, huh? What war did you fight in?"

"The Clown War." Lt. Honk responded. Even though it seemed like a joke, the Lieutenant was dead serious.

"The Clown War. Wow must've been hell." The Vulture continued to entertain the seemingly mentally ill man.

"Yep, my captain died so I had big shoes to fill." Lt. Honk said. After a little over a half hour, the course was ready and they led Lt. Honk down to the nearby cornfield.

"Wait how'd you find us?" The Vulture finally asked Lt. Honk.

"I planted a bug on him 2 years ago." The Lieutenant responded, pointing at Matt Demon.

"Okay, we met Matt Demon 3 months ago. Do you just anticipate a bug on everyone you meet?"

"Yes."

"Is there a bug on me?" The Vulture asked.

"..."

"Anyways, I need to do some finishing touches and then you're all good to go, Lieutenant Honk." Matt Demon told him and went into the cornfield, which now had a huge chunk taken out for the course.

Meanwhile, Lieutenant Honk was practicing by doing some action movie stunt rolls and aiming the BB gun around Beefer had provided him with and pretending to shoot invisible enemies.

"Well, The Clown War doesn't exist, no surprise. But, it does turn out that he did serve in an actual war." The Vulture said, showing them his virtual dogtag on his phone.

"Huh, do you think he learned that in the war, then?" The Eagle asked, motioning to the practicing Honk.

"I don't think he learned anything in the war considering he just delivered shit. Just calls himself Lieutenant for whatever reason." The Vulture let him know.

"Oh."

"Wait, how do you know that's our Lieutenant Honk?" Beefer inquired.

"It says he was discharged after a week after delivering supplies to the other side." The Vulture read from an article.

"Sounds right." The Eagle said as Matt Demon came back and told him he was good to go. Almost instantly, Lieutenant Honk leaped into action and ran through the entrance to do his test.

"Now that he is gone, can we talk about him?" Beefer asked, though they could still see him, he was well out of earshot.

"Yeah, did you guys notice that he is always eating jelly beans that he gets from nowhere?" The Eagle pointed out.

"I know, he doesn't even lift up his mask either." Beefer added on.

"Do you think he just has a compartment of jelly beans in his mask?" Matt Demon asked. They would've continued their theories about jelly beans when The Vulture interrupted their conversation.

"No offense, but I think there are more glaring issues than the fact he fucking eats jelly beans." He scowled at them. Just as he was about to start his long list of red flags, Lt. Honk was running back. "Oh boy, here comes our hero."

"Hey guys, I'm done." Lt. Honk informed them. Just as The Vulture was about to dismiss him, he decided to look how many he actually hit, if any.

To The Vulture's, and everyone else's shock, Lt. Honk had hit every single target, including the one that was meant to be impossible with only a very slim slot to hit it.

"Holy shit!" The Eagle said, mouth agape.

"Did I pass?" Lt. Honk asked. The Vulture finally brought his bottom jaw from the floor back to its usual position and cleared his throat.

"U-Uh, let me converse with my colleagues." The Vulture told him and gathered his crew a couple dozen feet away.

"So, he's is a bit unorthodox." Matt Demon started the discussion.

"Weird is a better word." Beefer whispered.

"But, he does have the aim of an actual lieutenant." The Eagle countered.

"Listen, let's just take the risk. And if it doesn't pay off, I don't think it'll be hard to get rid of him. We just drop him off in one of the aisles of a supermarket and leave. Though we are gonna have to take out those bugs he's put on us at some point." The Vulture explained his plan for the temporary future. The others agreed and The Vulture walked up to Lieutenant Honk with a grin.

"Congratulations! You passed the test! Welcome to the family, Lieutenant Honk."