In the arms of no one (Completed)

Chapter One

Prologue

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You could go through your whole life hearing, reading and quoting the famous words that David Fostor Wallace conveniently stole from the bible, "The truth will set you free."

But no one ever mentions the last sentence of that quote. You know, the bit that made those words his and not the words of some ancient, biblical character. 

 Because honestly, after the truth has taken you by the balls and ruined your life, all you're left with is a suffocating sense of seasonal depression; at best. Worse case scenario, the truth can leave you heartbroken, with innumerable mental health issues and either completely alone or feeling like it.

Personally, I relate more to the quote by infamous poet and playwright, Oscar Wilde. "The truth is rarely pure and never simple."

My truth has never been simple and purity has only ever been comfortable in the company of angels.

And I have never been one of those.

Vallon

"What do you mean?" the sound of my baffled voice comes out weak and pathetic even to my own ears. The heavy pounding of my anxious heart makes my chest feel tight, and my breath comes in short, harsh gasps as I stare with an expression that I hope only shows my confusion; and not the deep-seated fear that I feel trying to choke me with its invisible hands. The fact that I was even able to get the words out of my mouth is a miracle in and of itself.

Half an hour ago when I was making my way home after almost getting my ass handed to me at 'The Quad', I never envisioned that I would be stepping into a storm full of shit as soon as my tired legs carried my battered body over the threshold of Barrett Manor.

The high decibel screeching that 'welcomed' me home as soon as I opened the door, makes the pounding on my - everything - feel so much worse and it doesn't look like it's going to stop any time soon. Fuck!

At first, I was shocked into silence. The world seemed to turn into a topsy-turfy mix of emotions, that I honestly couldn't quite believe what I was hearing, and whether I was hearing it correctly. 

 A sublime feeling of relief that someone had finally divulged the putrid details of what a 'secret session' entails, or at least details of what the last 'session' looked like from the outside looking in, quickly followed in it's wake. Grim satisfaction fills my mind as I remember holding the steak knife threateningly while whispering that I am just dying to do some serious damage if he decides to initiate another 'session' in his ear. That was over six months ago. Six months of radio silence, peace, and quiet. The small smile twitching on the corners of my lips wants to morph into a full-belly laugh but quickly drops, as the tone of my mum's gritty voice with her disparaging commentary finally hits me.

I, of course, tried to defend my honor, because if she wasn't going to stop and listen to me, let alone believe a word that was coming out of my mouth; who else would? But just like every other typically insecure female, my mother skipped past 'girl power' and went straight into 'it's all your fault' and 'your a lying whore' mode. No amount of reasoning, hysterical screaming or logical truths full of all the seedy details, was going to change her mind.

Biologically speaking, the woman standing in front of me with a disgusted look on her perfectly made-up face is my grandmother. Grandmama, as she likes to be called by all her grandchildren, present company excluded. I've been calling her mum my whole life, because that's how long I have been in her care. The origins of my parentage was a very well hidden family secret for a while, at least it was a secret kept from me. As a matter of fact, that particular secret was kept from me by every single person in our town. Newcomers to Levin were eventually told, which surprised me at first. But then, I wouldn't be surprised if my family threatened loss of jobs and home. Come to think of it, it probably wouldn't be considered a family secret after all.