In the arms of no one (Completed)

28. Heart crash (Edited)

Tiernan's POV
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I'm standing in my room, taking in the sights of the outside world through my window without really seeing it, I'm lost deep in my thoughts.  My mind replaying over and over again the way Valen looked, the feelings not just in my body but in my heart as we made love under the moon and stars in the meadow that I love so much.  

Making love to her is a hell of a lot different to how it was every time I slept with Bianca.

I can smell Valen on my skin, and though I am slightly covered in dirt, thanks to our rough and tumble activities, I am loathe to wash her away from me.

I know what Ive done and I cant deny the fact that I am a selfish asshole.  I knew that she would be too new to our world, and I was hoping that someone hadnt told her the words that needed to be said in order to re-accept a mate bond.  Something I have every intention to do, I just have to sort out everything else in my life before I do that properly.

My heart plummets at the fact that I have to find my girlfriend and break it off with her now, not to mention tell my parents as well as the pack members the truth, before I completely accept my mate bond with Valen.  I want to do it tonight at the ceremony, I need to do it as quickly as possible before Brody Tinkerballs or that creepy Vampire get their hands on my Valen.

Its not going to go well, I just know it, but its the right thing to do.  Not just for Valen but for me too and when Bianca finds her mate she will know that its right for her as well.  My parents are probably going to disown me, since they know that I have been sexually active with Bianca.  My pack, most likely will want to choose another more honest leader, but I cant fault them that either.

I did this and now I have to make it right.  

Over the last month, I turned into someone I dont even recognise anymore, someone who denies the truth of themselves.  I have never been like that before, my parents raised me well, they taught me right from wrong and I just totally fucking blew it; threw all their lessons in their faces.  

I am ashamed of myself.

I turn towards the door of my ensuite bathroom and enter into the room, even though I cant get enough of her scent, I still need to shower so that I can do what I need to do before the ceremony tonight.  We cant have the Luna ceremony, the releasing of Kaiah and from what I have learned through mind link with my father, the releasing of my sister is the only thing that will be on the agenda tonight.

Under the hot spray of my shower I acknowledge that almost everything I thought was true about Bianca is a lie.  

Valen was right, jealousy really doesnt look good on anyone.  And Bianca wore the ugliness of jealousy extremely badly.  The way she behaved, the things she said over the last month, she is not who I thought she was, a Luna conducts herself with dignity, integrity and pride and always considers the well-being of others even in the face of hardship, internal and external.

When I think about the contrasts between Bianca and Valen over the last month, I dont even understand why I just didnt put a stop to all the petty bullshit.  Bianca is clearly NOT Luna material.

I shake my head and marvel at my incredibly strong mate, I was so wrong about her.  Even when I could see the hurt, anger and jealousy burning deep in her eyes, she still maintained a calm and clear headed attitude.  Measured the words carefully in her mind before she spoke, thinking before every action she took, not allowing those negative feelings to eat her up, unless given no other choice.

Now I acknowledge that River was right, her mate is a fucking idiot.

I told you that too, but you didnt listen, dont be too hard on yourself, idiot.  At least youre going to try now. Titus pipes up.