Complexes (LGBT) (boyxboy)

chapter 23

Chapter 23

"Did you see that?" I asked Lucas quickly. My eyes darted around the area in front of me, squinting desperately in the hopes of seeing the mystery person. "Yeah," Lucas said, much more calmly than I was reacting. "Did you see who it was?" I asked. "No, it was too dark," he said, stepping forward to be by my side. I felt like I couldn't breathe. 

All the blood had drained from my face as my stomach plummeted. This couldn't be happening. Not now. I knew we'd be caught one day. I wasn't that stupid, but I thought we would have more time. I couldn't handle this right now. I couldn't do this. "Oh my god...Oh god," I barely choked out. I really couldn't breathe.

 It was like my lungs had tightened, sucking all the air out and my throat closed up. My face felt hot. 

I wanted to be anywhere but here. 

I wasn't equipped for this. "Hey, it's gonna be okay," Lucas said. He touched my shoulder to give it a comforting squeeze, but on impulse I flinched away, taking a step to the side as if I had just been burned. I looked at him, letting out a shaky breath. He frowned at me but I was far too deep in my freak out to even worry about what he was thinking. "Look, it was too dark for us to see who it was. Who says they were even able to see us?" he asked. Common sense; it was one thing I didn't have right now, or at least wouldn't listen to.

 I felt doomed and anything he could say wouldn't make it better. "Why would they have run away if they didn't? Oh God, they probably heard us talking," I panicked, running my fingers through my now sweaty hair. My eyes darted around frantically in every direction as if expecting a predator to come out of the shadows to ruin my life. "Let's just remain calm for a second," Lucas said, stepping towards me. 

He held his hands in front of him defensively as if approaching a wild animal. Life would probably be easier if I were a wild animal, actually. "Easy for you to say. You want us to come out.

 You're probably glad this happened," I said without much thought. "Hey, excuse the fuck out of you. I don't want something that makes you uncomfortable, Connor, and I'd really appreciate it if you stopped talking to me like this," he said firmly, and he sounded down-right pissed off. 

I stopped looking around and let my gaze fall on him, seeing the disappointed frown on his face.

 I didn't even realize I had been talking a certain way, but now that I thought about it, he was right. 

I sighed, looking at him apologetically. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. Really, I didn't," I said, and just my luck I had one of the most understanding boyfriends in the world. "It's okay, just listen to me...we don't know who that was. They might not even care about what they saw," he said, but the negative side of me was shining through fiercely tonight. "Or it might have been someone from the team," I pointed out. "Then we'll deal with it together like a couple of adults," he said. "Are you saying I'm acting like a child?" I asked. "Well, I'm trying not to say it," he mumbled. "You don't get it okay. You don't," I said quickly.

 "Sweetie, I do," he said like it was obvious, and of course it was. He knew exactly what I was feeling and probably a lot worse; most definitely a lot worst. "I know, I know," I muttered, "I'm just...I'm not ready for this, Lucas," "I know you aren't. Everything's going to be fine though. I mean, you can always deny it or say you were drunk," he suggested. "Right! Right," I said in excitement, "I can deny it." "Exactly. 

Just deny my whole existence. Whatever. It's cool," he shrugged, his sarcasm evident. "Stop using dumb things I say against me," I whined. He smiled, his eyes lighting up in the moonlight. This wasn't the time for smiling. "Why are you smiling?" I asked.