Complexes (LGBT) (boyxboy)

chapter 40

Chapter 40

Lucas's POV:

He slammed the door right in my face, making me stumble back in surprise, but really, why was I so surprised about his reaction? I deserved worse than a door slammed in my face.

What the hell was wrong with me? Why did I do these things? This wasn't me. This wasn't the sort of thing that I did.

I contemplated knocking on the door again but stopped myself. I was reminded of just how indecisive I was over whether to fight for Connor or not. Of course I wanted to, but I was held back.

I was always held back because I figured that maybe it was better this way. It was better losing him now than later, right? But still, I stepped forward towards the door, just wanting to make things better. "Hey!" A voice called from down the hall. I stopped and looked down at Eddie, who had shouted, and Casey who was standing with him at the end of the hall. I sighed, giving up on my attempts to make up with Connor and went off down the hall towards the two of them. "Hey guys." I said solemnly as I approached.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?!" The outburst came from Eddie and honestly I was a little taken aback by his anger. I had never seen him like that before. Then again, the two of us never particularly talked. He was Connor's friend, not mine. "I...I don't know." I said, stopping a few feet away from him. "You seriously don't give a shit about him, do you?" He asked. That was untrue and ticked me off a bit. "You have no idea how I feel about him." I argued. "What are you playing at then, huh? Do you actually wanna be with him or what?" He asked. "I don't know!" I shouted. "Well you better figure it out because I'm not going to watch my best friend continue being depressed every single day because of you." He snapped.

I lied before.

More than anything I wanted to make up with Connor but it was so hard because nothing good ever lasted so why bother making an effort? I mean, we haven't even been together for very long and have had this much drama already.

I dreaded to imagine what was left to come. What Eddie said just then though, about Connor being depressed, I didn't want that at all. It was never my intention to make him feel like that. Yes, the two of us fought and I left him. That was a rash decision but I needed time to figure things out and get my head together. I needed that time away from him. I couldn't think straight living in the same dorm as him so I had to get away.

I came back from christmas missing him so much, but then the whole thing with Emily happened. I hated myself for believing some rumor from some person I had never even met before. I hated myself for not actually going and talking to Connor, or even Emily. Instead, I thought the worst of Connor and I jumped to conclusions and I felt awful about it.

I just wanted to take control of the situation, and if that meant pushing Connor away, then I did it. Still, I found myself in this push and pull between wanting to work things out, and wanting to run away.

"I don't know what to do to make it better." I said softly. "Stop being a piece of shit!" He yelled. "Eddie!" Casey shouted, hitting his arm. I took a step back, feeling a bit uncomfortable around someone who was clearly so aggressive towards me. I didn't know Eddie that well. I didn't know what he was capable of. I knew he was a good guy though, but right now he was scaring me a little bit. "Okay..." Eddie calmed down, "Maybe that was a bit harsh, but seriously, you walk around like you can do no wrong, like you're perfect or something, and you overreact when Connor does one dumb little thing, but really, you don't deserve him. He has done nothing but obsess over you and grovel at your feet, but you walk around like you couldn't care less about him." "That's not true," I argued, "I do care about him." "Then figure out a way to let him know that, because right now he feels like you never did and he deserves better than that." He said, and he was right. Everything he was saying was right. I've been awful. "Well...he hates me right now." I said. "Listen, Connor is a very, very simple person.