Complexes (LGBT) (boyxboy)

chapter 38

Chapter 38

I lay on my bed, staring at the ceiling, because it was the only thing I could convince my body to do.

Anything else seemed like too much effort and I was fine with letting the seconds, minutes and hours tick by as I didn't make a movement.

Maybe if I didn't move, then that meant all my problems would cease as well. Unfortunately the world didn't work like that. It had been a couple of days since the break up and Lucas and I hadn't talked, not even once. We had barely seen each other, other than the random glimpses I got of him in the dormitory hallways or in the dining hall.

With him avoiding my very existence, it sure did put a dampener on what should have been one of the happiest times of the year. It was christmas Eve and I was sick of hearing christmas carols everywhere I went.

I was sick of hearing about people's plans to see their loved ones, or details about what gifts they were giving people. I guess there was one up side to barely having anyone; I didn't have to go christmas shopping.

Eddie didn't count. He and I had been best friends for years and didn't do the whole gift exchange thing. I was lonely and feeling it now more than ever. It'd be worse once Eddie left. Speaking of which, there was a knock on the door indicating that Casey and Lucas were ready to go since they were giving Eddie a ride. "Just a minute." Eddie called out to them.

He was finishing up gathering his things, zipping his bag up tight. Another good thing about my family not wanting me; I didn't have to bother with packing. Second point to me. "Are you sure you don't wanna come with me?" He asked, "My mom says she's more than happy to have you over too." "No. I'm good here." I said with a scratchy throat. I hadn't spoken much during the past couple of days.

I already told Eddie numerous times that the last thing I wanted to do was spend christmas with someone else's happy family and be reminded of how I didn't have that anymore. "Alright, well, I guess I'm off then." He said. I sat up, smoothing out my hair and clothes since he'd be opening the door. I nodded at him. "Have a good christmas." I said, trying to sound enthusiastic but ending up lacking. "Just call me if you change your mind." He said. "I won't, but thanks." I said quietly.

He kept looking at me and I could see the concern etched all over his face. I was fine though. I was.

I thought I was.

I didn't know anymore. Eddie had been babying me so maybe that made me fall into a further sense of wanting to avoid my problems. At least he hadn't tried to give me any pep talks though. Eddie gave me a small smile before he opened the door. Standing there was Casey and Lucas. Naturally my gaze fell on Lucas.

He looked like normal.

His eyes were avoiding mine, which was probably a good thing since I was staring at him. I just missed him so much. "Hey, bud. You ready?" Casey asked Eddie. "Yep. All good to go." Eddie replied. Casey looked at me and spoke, "Hey man, you gonna go see your parents?" He clearly hadn't been clued in on the situation. "Nope." I said simply. "Oh, so what are you doing then?" He asked curiously. "Nothing." I said with a shrug.

I had no clue if my careless act was fooling them, but at least it made me feel a little better. "Seriously? Dude, come stay with me." He offered. "No, really, I'm good here." I said, brushing it off.

I glanced at Lucas again. Despite not wanting to be with anyone else's family, I knew that if he asked me, I would go with him in a heartbeat. Not a word came from those lips though. It was yet another reminder that he wanted nothing to do with me, so I got up and went over to the door, ushering Eddie out. "Have a good christmas. I'll see you in a couple days." I said, and then I shut the door before I lost it in front of the three of them. I stood there, leaning against the door and breathing heavily, trying to relax myself.