Complexes (LGBT) (boyxboy)

chapter 33

Chapter 33

I sat on the edge of my bed, tying my shoes. 

I felt sick about today for two reasons; one, I was meeting up with Emily this morning, and two, there was a game tonight. 

My mind wasn't in the right place at the moment so I knew I'd be an absolute train-wreck tonight and my dad would be sitting in the bleachers to witness it. 

Just as I was finishing tying the second shoelace, movement from across the room made me look up. 

Lucas, who had been asleep, was now sitting up after having just woken up. I was hoping to get out of here before he was up so I could go out and deal with this Emily drama before coming back to grovel for forgiveness. "Hey," I said. 

He looked at me, then away, not answering me. I gnawed on my bottom lip, contemplating whetherto tell him the truth about where I was going or not.

 "I'm just going...out," I said, pausing, then sighed, "Meeting Emily, and I know you don't want me to, but it's just to talk to her," Again, I got no response. 

It was like talking to a brick wall. "How are you feeling?" I asked, remembering his panic attack from last night. 

Without a word he got out of bed and grabbed his hoodie which was crumpled up on the floor. He slipped it on before leaving the room. Not even a glance was thrown my way.

 I followed him, going out into the hall. I looked in both directions before seeing him at Casey's bedroom door, knocking on it. My heart sank as I retreated back into my room, closing the door. 

He was mad, I understood that. He didn't want to talk to me and I understood that too. But it hurt really, really bad knowing that I was no longer the person he wanted to confide in, to becomforted by. It killed me knowing that another guy was doing that, and even though they were just friends, it was still so painful to even think about. 

For a moment there I felt like I couldn't breathe. I leant against the door and closed my eyes, forcing myself to relax and take a breath. I felt absolutely awful. I just wanted to get this over with, so I left the room in a hurry to go and meet Emily. 

We were planning on meeting up at a café on campus. I didn't actually want to go anywhere with her, so that's why I suggested somewhere close. She was there before me. I could see her sitting at a table by herself, looking at her phone like she was bored. 

I went straight up to her. She looked nice today, like she really made an effort. Her hair was down and not a single strand was out of place. She wore a low-cut top and shorts which showed off her thighs. 

The old me would have wanted to have my way with her. But now? There wasn't a single ounce of attraction. "Hey," I said, sitting down in the chair straight across from her. 

She looked up and smiled. "Hey there," she said sweetly, "How are you?" "Yeah good, fine," I lied, "You?" "I'm good now that you're here," the bright smile on her face made me feel absolutely nothing. That's how I knew I was in love with Lucas. 

Before he came along I used to have back to back girlfriends, and whenever I was with them, I still appreciated the beauty of another girl. But with Lucas, I couldn't even admit that someone was attractive because I simply felt nothing. 

Lucas was the only one I wanted to ever think of like that. "I'm really happy you agreed to this. I think we started off on the wrong foot so a do-over is good," she said, putting her hand over mine on the table. 

I felt uncomfortable, so I took my hand away and stood up. "You hungry? Or want coffee?" I asked. "Coffee would be awesome. Cappuccino," she said. "Great, I'll go order," I said and left her there. I went over to the counter and ordered our coffees. I stayed over there, not really wanting to go back to Emily.