Acidic Love (l.h fanfic)

Chapter 37

Paige was amazing. She was beautifully. She was unique. She was perfect. I always wonder what would happen if she was still here. Would we get married eventually? Would I have found a way to stay here forever? Would we have split up? Would she still love me?

Paige's eyes always had this sparkle that just made me want to love her. Her smile made me want to smile. Her hands made me want to hold them. Her lips made me want to kiss her. Her delicacy made me want to hug her. Her sadness made me want to save her. That's all I wanted. To show her I cared and to prove it. I just wanted to make her happy. I wanted to see that fucking smile. That beautiful face glow up. That's all I wanted.

I love her. I love her so much, I'll never be able to love another girl again. God I miss her.

How I miss her.

So here I am. Wasting my life away. This is the third girl I've slept with in a week.

It's been about a month since Paige passed and I don't even know what I want. I guess I'm just waiting to die. Now I know how Paige felt. I don't know how she did it. I guess you can never really know a person until they die. All I know is that I'm not gonna be like this my whole life. This is my way of grieving, doing everything I wouldn't have done with Paige just to forget her. Paige's dad killed himself the other night. He said it was his fault she died. But for once in his life, it wasn't his fault. It was mine. And that's the worst part about it. I promised I'd keep her safe and all I did was destroy her. I still love her. And as I look at the sleeping whore next to me, it just makes me feel more guilty.

I grab my bag and leave in nothing but my boxers. When I get home, Michael is at the door, sitting at my porch. Michael knows what it's like to lose someone. He knows how to keep himself together. I look up to him more than I ever have now.

"Sleeping with another girl?" He asks. I look down, completely ashamed of my self.

"It's just gonna make things worse"

Michael was always right.

"Sometimes I feel like it's better like this." I said suddenly, as we sat down on my couch. Memories of Paige on this couch flooded my mind.

"She wanted to die. Now that she's actually gone, she doesn't have to worry about being sad." Michael nodded, giving me a soft smile, but I knew he was broken. Even if he didn't show it.

"But I miss her, mike. I love her more than I love myself." I said. A single tear rolled down his cheek as he looked away.

"Me too." He choked out.

So here I am. Sitting next to my best friend, waiting for Calum and Ashton to arrive. Wishing my life away. Just waiting to be able to see Paige again. But I never believed in heaven, and I still don't. So I know I'll never see her again. But I have my friends, and that's enough to keep me alive.

But hey, nothing matters.

Think about it like this.

We are only tiny little specks in a space bigger than we can imagine. Nothing really matters anyway. So why do we fear death? - the one thing that is bound to happen. You can't be promised life, but you can be promised death. So accept it.

And if you're like me, and it's hard to accept it, just think about the solar system.

Just like Paige did.

Just, like Paige.

A/N

And that's it. I know I only have 260 reads but I just wanna say thank you for reading. It means so much that you've stuck by me on this crappy story. I love you all so much and I'll probably write another story eventually. I'm all depressed now that it's finally over 😂 I love you guys so much and I'll keep you updated on what I plan to do after this! THANK YOU ILYSM