Storm Of Yesterday (On Going)

He Left Me.

Chapter 1

he left me.

And that was before...

I am not a believer of romantic love anymore. Noon, nung bata pa ako, naniniwala pa akong hindi ako matutulad sa parents ko. Na mayroon paring lalaki na hindi ako iiwan tulad ng tatay ko. I was once a firm believer of happy endings. But now? I ain't no more.

Back when i was thirteen years old, i fell inlove with someone older than me. He's Mateo, and he's two years older than me. He sent me gifts, made me some poems and love letters. Sent me some sweet messages but what happened? He left. He left me hanging. He left me without an explanation.

And the tanga me? I searched for all the answers, i searched all the answers in my whys and hows. Until I'd reached the point na nag beg na ko para lang makausap ko si mateo.

"Bakit? Hindi mo ba kaya mag stay saakin? Anong kulang? Anong hindi ko mabigay?" sabay hagulgol kong tanong sakanya.

"I'm sorry, Athena. Bumababa na kasi yung grades ko. And my parents found out about us. Hindi na tayo pwede." eksplenasyon niya at may blangkong expresyon na para bang walang pake kahit sobrang iyak na ako.

"Bakit ka pa nag try kung hindi ka naman pala pwede ha?! Bakit pinaasa mo pa ako?! Bakit hinayaan mong mahulog ako sa mga salita mo?! Bakit, Mateo? Bakit..." hindi ko na natapos dahil sa mga hikbi kong hindi na mapigilan.

"I'm sorry, Athena." at umalis na siya. Hinayaan niya akong umiyak mag isa sa hallway ng 1st floor sa school namin.

That's when i discovered na tanga nga talaga ako sa pagibig. Though, hindi ko masisisi si Mateo dahil maging ako nag try ako ng hindi pupwede. I must say i did loved Mateo dearly. I loved him, i fell for him even at an early age.

He was sweet, a gentleman, a firm believer of God, matalino rin siya, at makaluma siya kung mag mahal. He's my ideal man. And he's my first love. Akala ko noon siya na mag papatunay na hindi talaga lahat ng lalaki iiwan ako, na hindi lahat ng lalaki papaasahin lang ako sa mga salita nila. Akala ko lang pala.

We planned our future together, he said he'll be my husband and i will be his wife. Pwede ba? Bakit ka naniwala diyan, Athena? lol. Sakanya nag start yung pangarap ko na maging Architect. Siya talaga yung gusto ng Architecture, i just got inspired by him and by my step dad who's an Architect.

My heart bleed when he decided to end us and when he decided to left me. The young foolish me believed that we'll end up together pero who am i kidding? We're too young for that! Madami pang pwedeng mangyare.

Habang nag momove on ako his bestfriend came along... I didn't knew while I was moving on, i was also falling for John. He was there, always, for me. He's there when I am down, when I can't refrain myself crying, and i don't know but he's always there when I needed him, when i needed someone to be there for me. I appreciated him a lot and i treasure him so much.

That's why when he confessed his feelings for me, that's when I've realized that I've fallen inlove with him too. I gave him a chance, i gave us a chance. And i didn't regretted doing it at first.

He made me happy when no else could. He was always there when no one else could. He made me believe in love again. That even broken hearts could beat again. I forgot the pain Mateo has inflicted me because John made me happy, he made me feel loved.

Lagi akong hinahatid ni John pauwi saamin. Lagi niya akong sinasamahan pauwi. He's a very consistent man. He fulfill his swears always. I gave him my first i love you. Because for me, i love yous are very precious and important so i don't just give it to anyone, even Mateo. I didn't gave the first to Mateo because I was afraid to see how i really love him. That maybe he'll find it clingy or too sweet. I don't want that. Pero sayang at hindi ko man lang nasabi talaga sakanya iyon but nevertheless, he left. At hindi ko rin siya masisisi dahil marami din naman akong pagkukulang.

So back with John, he left me as well. He left me because he's fading. And nakahanap yata siya ng ipapalit saakin. I don't know, he explained but i no longer believe in him anymore. I'm so fed up with the lies of men kaya ayaw ko na, nakakapagod sila. At an early age I've experienced this kasi tanga ako.

But hey, experience is the best teacher. I know for myself that this experiences will soon make a better me. Will soon make Athena a lot wiser and smarter when it comes to love.

Pero dahil tanga nga ako.

"I am sorry, Athena, I want you back. I love you..." said John through the phone call.

"Natatakot na ako. I am scared you'll leave me again... But i love you too." i replied with a struggling voice.

After how many days we got back with each other. We gave us another chance but then again he left me. After a week, he left me again.

I cried myself at night. I cried myself just to fall asleep and to burst out the pain i am feeling deep in my heart. I am so tired of trying to love again but eventually be left behind. I'm so tired of loving.

"Mom, I suck on love. I'm tired of loving. Mommy, sobrang sakit na." humihikbi ako habang kausap ko ang mommy ko sa phone.

"Anak, sabi ko naman kasi sa'yo huwag mo na pabalikin. It breaks my heart to see you in pain. To cry because of a guy you don't even deserve." mommy said while trying to make me feel better.

"You deserve everything, Athena. Cheer up. Learn from this. Never let anyone take advantage of you again. The next time you love someone don't let them enter your life easily and never let them know the real feelings you have for them."

The next days, i can't seem to focus in school. Masyado kong dinamdam ang mga problema ko. Dinala ko na kahit sa school. I am having difficulties on my subjects and receiving low results of quizzes. I can't focus. I still keep on thinking things i shouldn't be thinking.

I don't know but... why do we always remember the things that we should forget but forget the things that we should remember?

Unti unti akong natuto. Unti unti kong narealize na he doesn't really deserve me. Unti unti kong narealize na kaya ko palang wala siya. Unti unti kong natutunan kung paano maging masaya ulit ng wala siya dahil nariyan naman ang aking mga kaibigan.

Even so, I've learned how to move forward and learn how to live each passing day. To survive in life. To stop being upset of the people who aren't really for me. I've learned how to accept what is and let go of my what ifs.