Storm Of Yesterday (On Going)

Love

Chapter 19

Love

It's was a dumb-ass move. I should've thinked better. Nakakapangsisi ang ginawa ko kay Shaun. Sana inintindi ko na lamang siya.

Why do we always crush our own principles and senses when we're hurt? We tend to forget what we stand and believe in when we are wounded.

I knew where to stand. I knew what to do. Pero bakit? Bakit... kahit alam ko ang dapat ko laging gawin ay hindi ko magawa... dahil, nasaktan ako. Lagi bang valid yun? Lagi ko nalang bang excuse manakit ng tao kapag nasaktan ako?

I knew how to act and react but why does my actions contradict the things i believe in?

Ayaw kong saktan si Shaun. He's my man. My lover. I shouldn't hurt him intentionally.

Fuck! Why am i so insensitive? It's just a simple argument. I shouldn't made it a big deal.

Bumangon ako ng biglaan ng narealize na late na pala't hindi pa ako tumatayo, ni nag hihilamos. Dumiretso ako sa sink ng banyo. The cr is adjacent to my room so it's just convinient for me. Tinignan ko ang sarili ko sa salamin. My reflection tells a lot how i felt last night and what i am feeling right now. Mugto ang mga mata dahil sa pag iyak sa kagagahang binuo ko.

A tear escaped my eye. Pinawi ko iyon ngunit may pumatak nanaman. Yumuko ako para pigilan ang sarili ko sa pag iyak sa problemang pinili ko. I am at fault but i wouldn't react this way if only... if only he just posted me on his accounts. But i should let him buy more of his time right? Thus, naging kami lamang kahapon. He needs to adjust. Matagal din bago siya nagkaron muli ng sineryoso.

I rinsed my face... hoping i could rinse every feelings that clutter my mind. I proceeded doing my skin care routine. It feels right whenever i treat myself like this. It feels like everything's all alright for the mean time. For the brief moment. A brief escape.

I went out at sumalampak muli sa aking kama. I don't have plans today. I just want to crawl in my bed, cuddle my pillows and let my mind eat the hell out of me. I have a lot of things in my mind and for pete's sake, it's damn cluttered and frustrating. Sinalampak ko ang aking mukha sa aking kama nagbabakasakaling maabsorb nito lahat ng aking iniisip at mawala muna kahit saglit.

Napaupo ako ng narinig kong nag ring ang aking cellphone na nakalimutan ko man lang maicheck ngayong araw dahil sa kagagahan ko.

I hesitated to answer the phone when i saw his name. I didn't declined the call, i let it ring for seconds until he ended it. It felt relieving because i haven't yet prepared everything i have to say to him. I still don't have the courage to talk to him. Oh, god! Nahihiya ako. Dahil alam kong mali ako. I picked up my phone to check if there are messages from him. And viola!

Shaun:
Good morning, Athena.

Shaun:
We're heading to the Church. I am with mama and my little sister. Sleepwell, my love. Chat me if you are already awake.

Shaun:
I want to talk to you today. I hope you're free at lunch. I want to clear things up.

Shaun:
Please talk to me, i want to fix things...

Shaun:
I'll call you after church.

Those messages was sent 2 hrs ago. It's early in the morning. It's just 11 o'clock in the morning.

Shet? It's almost 12 and I haven't eaten yet nor taken a bath. Kinabahan muli ako. Ngunit ang mas nag pakaba sakin ay ang tawag muli niya.

I picked up the call. Ayaw ko naman isipin niyang iniiwasan ko siya.

"Hey..." he said hoarsely.

"Hi." saad ko ng tipid. I played with my toes and bit my lip.

"Can i see you now?" he asked hesitantly. "I am on my way. Actually, k-kanina pa. I am almost there." dagdag niya pa.