Storm Of Yesterday (On Going)

Hug

Chapter 17

Hug

I woke up exhausted because of indulging through my thoughts, my what could've beens and what ifs.

Up until now, i haven't made up my mind yet. Am i really catching feelings for Shaun? Or just inlove by how he loves me? I clearly don't know. My rational thoughts and subconscious are debating about my decisions. I keep on overthinking and thinking of the consequences which the action hasn't done yet.

Dapat hindi ako masyado mag worry! Pano ko malalaman kung hindi ako susugal? At kung susugal ako pano kung hindi ko kayanin ang malalaman ko? Argh! This is frustrating.

These thoughts are killing the hell out of me. This sucks! Love sucks! But i think i am inlove, so i suck to? Whatever!

Nakaharap lamang ako sa ceiling ng tahimik ngunit sa loob looban ko ay ginagambala na ko ng swimming namin mamaya.

I unconsciously reminisce about a memory of conversation with Shaun...

"I want to make it memorable but indirectly..." i said.

"Paano ko malalaman kung ganoon?" he wondered. "You should give me firm sign. I don't want to assume nor have false hopes." he looked away.

"Yes. I know... But i still haven't thinked of how i am i going to confess my feelings indirectly." i said shyly.

"You should..." he said with a sigh. "Ayaw kong magkamali ako na akala ko ayun na pala. I am willing to wait, but please... don't give me... false hopes." he said directly at my eyes.

"Y-yes." i looked away because i can't contain his eyes that are mixture of menace and tenderness. "I'll think about it..."

"Okay."

Nakatingin lamang ako sakanya habang nakatingin siya sa ibang parte ng sulok ng school. I want his attention but whenever i have it, i can't handle it. I tremble, i feel conscious and weird. How could it be possible to be very comfortable around him but still tremble at his moves. I can't understand myself when it comes to him. I have to figure out how to control myself.

"What if..." panimula ko. "What if... I'll give you a hug from the back without any definite time and without you knowing..." i trailed off.

"Then?" he is looking at me now.

"T-then, it will serve as my indirect confession of my love for you... my feelings." i said at nag iwas nanaman ng mata. "It's a sign that i am inlove with you." i said back in his eyes trying to contain myself.

I saw a ghost of a smile and amusement in his eyes before he opened his mouth for words. "Well then..." at tumango siya. "It will also serve as a sign that we are already together." tinaas niya ang isang kilay na para bang nanghahamon.

"W-what? No! I mean... Not that i don't want to be with you but-"

"It's the same, Athena. What's the use? Just give it a try. I won't promise anything but i will make sure that i will love you right with all that i can and with all that i have." he said firmly. He held chin to position my eyes to look at him, not lettting my eyes go away of his sight. He made sure I'd focus on his, only his eyes.

"Y-yes, i know..." i said. "But i don't know if we will work out. What if i didn't reciprocate it right and what if i don't know how to love you with the way you wanted it to?" i said.

"We'll figure it out. We'll make it work. I'll make sure of that." he said firmly.

"O-okay, then..." i said finality. "The hug will serve as my confession of love for you and that we are already together..." i said.