Storm Of Yesterday (On Going)

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Chapter 14

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I wish i didn't really expected anything or assumed any circumstances that he will still continue what he started. But i guess i am wrong.

Nasa school kami ngayon, ni tapunan ng tingin ay hindi niya magawa, ni hi hindi rin niya masabi... parang strangers lang kami. Ano ba ito? Wala na ba? Tapos na ba siya sakin?

Ganon ganon nalang yon?

Nasa hallway ako ng nakita siyang nakikipag biruan at tawanan kila kuya Andrew at iba niya pang kaklase. He's smiling, but not for me.

Immature ba kung sasabihin kong nag tatampo ako dahil lang hindi niya ako matapunan ng tingin o masabihan man lang ng hi? For all i know, playboys don't get shy to their prey. They bite and take every chance to take advantage of what's in front of them. Nakahain at nakalahad sila na lamang ang gagalaw.

No matter how much i deny it to myself, i am really hoping. Hipokrita ako kung hindi ko sasabihing naapektuhan ako sa pag babalewala niya saakin. Parang schoolmates lang kami na hindi naman talaga naging close o nagkasama. I miss how he treats me like i am the only person he can laid his focus on. Walang kahati, walang hadlang. I want to go back to the place we have built together, a place where only the two of us have the pass to entry a whole new world. O ako lamang ang may alam ng lugar na iyon? Ako lamang ang bumuo. Pawang emahinasyon na tuluyan rin namang mag lalaho parang bula.

It's hard to expect something from someone who can't give you anything aside from time. Hindi niya ako mahal, ni wala siyang sinabing gusto niya ako. O kahit crush man lang. Noon, umamin siya saakin, pero ganon parin ba ang nararamdaman niya sa tuwing nagtatama ang aming mga mata? At sa tuwing kami'y magkasama? Feelings fade naturally and suddenly. Magigising ka nalang na ang dating mahal na mahal mo ay isa na lamang bahagi ng ala alang dapat na palang ibaon.

Sapat ba yung pag amin niya noon para pang hawakan ko?

Maaring mag bago ang nararamdaman niya para saakin lalo na at ilang beses ko na siyang itinaboy.

Ngunit mahirap kasi umasa sa salitang hindi mo man lang makita sa kilos. It's easy to say fraud words and deny it when you are over from it. Or you could also twist it easily...

Madaling bawiin ang salita. Kaya hindi dapat mag tiwala.

Mabilis natapos ang araw na ito. I am with my classmates heading home when i saw Shaun in ministop with his friends.

A slight bitterness spread through my system. Envying, and wishing to be his friends so i could be with him.

Ano ba, Athena? Obsessed lang sakanya?

I should stop over thinking things. I am barely sure that he doesn't think of me any way.

A hit of sadness spread through me. I ignored it and deflected my attention. I shouldn't feel this way, i don't have any feelings for him. Right. I am just attached. That should be all.

Buong byahe ko sa jeep ay ang masasayang ala ala lang namin ang pilit na pinapaalala ng aking utak. I want to talk to him and clear things out. I don't want to be emotionally attached.

Pero nung umamin siya saakin diba nung field trip? He said he wants his chance. Now that i am giving it to him, why does it feels like he doesn't even value it?

Ano ba, Athena! Of course he has feelings for you. Umamin siya sayo, ikaw tong malabo kaya ka nag kakaganito dahil hindi mo naman sinabi sakanya na bibigyan mo siya ng chance. You just let him enter your life without any word. Sumama ka sa parents niya, pinasama mo siya sa pamilya mo. So... maybe we could comprise and talk things out if i want this to work? Maybe i am giving him mixed signals at gusto niya ng time para ianalyze ito.