Erkenci Kuş | Keşke

The Amber Stone and the Cursed Rocks ©

Author Chaya Levy

Inspired by Erkenci Kus.

Despite the cold outside, Sanem walked to the embankment to think. The cold actually helped her breathe a little better. The thoughts filling her mind were overwhelming. She was so tired of pretending she was "fine" in front of her parents, her sister, everyone really. The truth was she was definitely not fine; she was heartbroken. The person she imagined would love her forever is leaving. He just turned off his feelings with nothing left because of her mistake.

She thought his immature kidnapping scheme was some sort of attempt at a reconciliation but it wasn't. Sanem didn't understand the purpose of it. Can kept saying he wanted to be friends. Was this his real purpose?

There were moments on that trip when Sanem thought his walls were breaking down. There were moments when he looked at her with the same wonder in his eyes that he used to have, when it felt like he looked through her eyes and right into her soul. Those moments gave her hope, but those moments were fleeting like a puff of smoke. He would look away, he would step back, he would do something to remind her they would never be the way they were... ever again.

Sanem thought that she put up a good fight in those mountains. With false bravado, she allowed her anger to show that she was just fine with everything. Sanem thought to herself, "I guess I am a good liar."

She continued to walk absentmindedly along the embankment near the water. As she walked, she replayed over and over in her mind what Can had said to her. Every time he was upset with her, devastated and finally broken over her. "You are like everyone else to me now."

Sanem repeated these words to herself as she walked on and on. She never imagined the story of her albatross would end like this – broken. Then she had a devastating thought. Can was her albatross but maybe she was not his. Maybe she would wander through the rest of her life never finding another, and Can would move on with only a vague memory of her.

Before she realized it, Sanem had somehow ended up at their rocks. She stared at them feeling almost afraid to approach them, remembering that Can called them "the cursed rocks". Releasing a small jaded laugh, she thought he might be right about them. Maybe they were cursed and maybe she and Can were doomed from the start.

Sanem went to the rocks and sat down, remembering being there with Can when they spoke all of their confessions to each other and shared secret moments. She pulled the Amber Necklace out of her pocket that Can had given her. She stared at it for a while, trying hard to feel nothing. Not feeling would be better than this but she could not. Staring at this stone, she felt everything: love, hope, loss, anger, betrayal. It was far too easy for Can to walk away. She knew she deserved better.

At that moment, Sanem decided what she had to do. She took out her phone and began writing a text to Can. She knew he probably would not let her get a word in edgewise if they spoke on the phone. And knowing she could not bear to hear rejection in his voice again, she chose to send him a text instead.