Erkenci Kuş | Keşke

Say Something

Sanem felt her confidence replaced by hurt and anger as she maneuvered through staff  chaotically dismantling the sets. The conversation with Yigit ignited a fire in Sanem that if she wasn't careful would burn down the whole building.

Never mess with an Aydin, Sanem thought to herself, as she made her way through the crowd.

She retrieved her suitcase with a cool exterior and a fierce yank of the handle. Sanem was ready to leave without a glance toward Can but she couldn't help herself. She intended to give a quick glance only to be surprised when she saw Can staring back at her with a look she couldn't understand. Was it sadness? Regret? She questioned if it was really his emotions she saw or if she was projecting her feelings onto him. Though Sanem wanted to break eye contact , she was transfixed by Can's beautiful brown eyes and couldn't bring herself to look away. 

A few moments passed before Sanem realized she and Can were still just standing there frozen while the world moved around them. It was Can who finally broke their eye contact as he shook off the moment with a gruff clearing of his throat. He looked down to put his camera away, while Sanem just continued to stare. Sanem wanted to feel the victor in this stare down that she clearly won but instead she felt a shattering in her chest. She swallowed her grief and let her anger take over as she briskly walked toward Can ready to walk past him. For once, Sanem thought, she would be the one to make him feel invisible. Just as Sanem was about to pass Can, he stepped forward blocking Sanem's path. Sanem stopped short, thankfully not falling into his arms. If she did, her anger would crumble and her devastation would win.

Sanem, mere centimeters from Can's chest, braced herself to meet his eyes. When Sanem looked up she was surprised to see a vulnerability in them. Can staring at Sanem swallowed hard almost as if he was nervous. He looked around the room before getting closer to Sanem so he could speak to her more privately.

When Can came closer he smelled the alluring scent of her special perfume and he closed his eyes trying to find the words of what to say. He started to whisper something to Sanem but Yigit's loud voice broke the moment.

"Sanem can you grab my jacket?" 

Sanem didn't respond right away. She hoped Can would continue his thought but instead he just stared at her saying something with his eyes she wish she understood.

Never breaking eye contact with Can, Sanem replied, "Yes, Yigit, I have it in my hands right now."

"Thank you! We better get going then," Yigit said with a wave and nod to Can, "We'll be in touch Can."

Can didn't acknowledge Yigit's goodbye, he just continued to stare at Sanem unable to speak.

This is it, Sanem thought, The last time you will look at me.

This is it, Can thought, Your chance to say you don't want to leave... please say it

Sanem and Can stood their pleading with their eyes when Yigit came over to them.

Yigit put his arm around Sanem, "Let's go Sanem, we can't miss our flight."

Can looked for a moment at Yigit's arm then back at Sanem waiting for her next move.

Sanem barely noticed Yigit wrapped around her shoulders as she continued to stare at Can, internally pleading for Can to say something so she could hear his voice one last time.

But Can just stood there... frozen.

Yigit pleased said loudly, "Gule Gule on your trip to the Balkans, Can."

Can gave a slight nod to Yigit in response. 

Sanem once again tried to gain control of her heart and looked one last time into the eyes of the man that she loved and said, "Goodbye Can Bey."

Can couldn't respond, his lips couldn't form the words. He just stared, internally pleading for her not to leave him.

Yigit, still with his arm around Sanem, led her away. 

 The Staff were blissfully unaware of the monumental  moment Can and Sanem were having. They waved and said goodbye to Yigit and Sanem as they were leaving. The staff thought this was just a 3 day trip, but Can and Sanem knew better. It was the final goodbye to their beautiful love story.  

Sanem wanted to look back at Can before she went through the Fikri Harika doors for the last time but she couldn't do it. She would be crushed if she looked back and saw Can cold and unfeeling. Or worse yet, if he didn't care enough to watch her leave. With great effort, Sanem didn't look back. She didn't look back at the man who once made her feel accepted and free. She didn't look back at the place where she fell in love for the first time. She didn't look back at the place she finally felt free to be herself. 

She didn't look back... And Yet ... As Sanem was walking to the door, her photographic memory was playing the highlights of her and Can's love story like a movie montage : their walks on the Bosphorous, exploring unknown places together, taking photos together, Can's smile when he was behind his camera, their secret rendezvous away from her family, the first time Can told Sanem he loved her and that he saw her in everything he did, their first kiss. All these moments flooded her mind wishing to be more than a memory.

Although Sanem didn't look back, all she could think about as  she walked through the doors and all the way to their taxi was everything she gained from working at Fakiri Harika, and everything she had lost.