The story was special. The legend was powerful.
There were moments or story lines I desperately wished for, and moments that at times seemed small but were so important to discover and delve into. This is a book of these moments that I wanted to ex...
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Can watched as Sanem walked out of the building with Yigit. He hoped Sanem would look back at him with regret and longing. He hoped she would change her mind. Even after the door closed and she was no longer in view, Can stood there staring just staring. He hoped Sanem would come back, run into his arms begging to start over. He waited ... and waited...but she never did.
Sanem walked out of Fikri Harika with his heart in her suitcase, a carry on and the burden of love lost that she would surely try to forget.
"Everyone always left", he thought, " Why should Sanem be any different?"
Can stared at that lifeless door, remembering all the times Sanem had walked away from him in the past. Before she would disappear from sight, there was always a fierceness in her stare as she looked back at him. In those moments her eyes always gave Sanem away. Her eyes would turn the saddest shade of brown with a glint of tears in her eyes. He knew out of his view she would probably let those tears fall, and it always shattered him to think he was the cause of it. But this time? This time she didn't look back, she didn't show him what he so desperately wished to see. That Regret, that heartbreak. In the past, it always felt like Sanem was forced to leave him through his actions or her own mistakes she was too afraid to admit. Can knew deep down that even when it hurt to watch her leave, Sanem really didn't want to go.
He remembered the conversation he and Sanem had at the ski resort. The ducks who during winter would flap their wings to keep their mates warm.
Can asked, "If they were cold why wouldn't they just fly away?"'
Sanem, he remembered, responded with a heartbroken look, "Would someone just leave their love to freeze?"
She never believed in leaving. Can was sure of it.
Can's chest tightened as a nagging voice filled his mind.
Maybe you pushed her away for so long that she finally did leave. Maybe your words and actions these past few weeks broke her faith in you and the love you share. Your attempts to push her away... actually worked.
A brief moment of clarity, that made Can feel as if the room was closing in on him. He needed to get out of the office, to find a place to be by himself and clear his mind.
Can waved to the crew and blew past Polen, needing to reach the outside. When he burst through the side door, the cool wind of a crisp day gave him some relief. He leaned on the side of the building feeling unstable.
Can snarled hearing Polen's voice.
"Can, I was calling your name! Are you okay?"
Can nodded, "I'm sorry I didn't hear you. I have a headache and I just needed some fresh air."
Polen nodded, worried that there was something more to this than a headache.
"I'll go run to get you some motrin. You'll be up for the flight tonight right? It's in a few hours."
Can blocked Polen's attempt at brushing his forehead, " Please don't."
The last thing Can needed right now was Polen checking in on him and acting like a concerned girlfriend. Polen looked hurt but at the moment Can really didn't care. He felt used and manipulated by Polen since the cookbook started. His eyes were opened by this experience- the one person Can had confided in all these years spent weeks scheming with his mother.
In an annoyed and rushed voice, Can responded, "I can take care of myself, Polen."
She nodded, worried, "Ok, sorry I know you hate being babied. I'm sure it will pass."
Can nodded, losing what was left of his patience.
"I need to leave. Tell everyone I said goodbye."
Polen nodded with a little relief. This reminded her of the old Can she knew, hating goodbyes and leaving at a moment's notice.
Finally, she thought,Sanem is losing her hold on him.
"Of course I will", Polen smiled.
Can gave her a nod of appreciation.
"Don't worry," Polen said, coming closer to Can, "Once you head on your journey everything will feel back to normal again. You'll see."
Polen continued with a flirtatious smirk, " And...I'll be there soon and we will be there together like the old days. Remember how you would come visit me?"
She continued with heavy innuendo, as she leaned in closer to Can, " Remember you would get out of your head for a few days?"
Can moved out of Polen's hold and mumbled his goodbye and left.
Polen felt embarrassed and unsure of her standing. She brushed off Can's rejection and headed back inside the building to let the crew know Can left.
