Desire | jjk. *ON HOLD*

2

I accommodate myself on the passenger seat and sigh.

Today was supposed to be a calm Saturday night, where I would sit at home and drink a cup of coffee and watch a movie marathon next to Taehyung, how I liked to do usually.

But Hyerin didn't think the same. She practically forced me to get into the car, wear a short dress and kidnapped me to a party. It's not that I didn't want to spend time with my best friend, it was just that I was against lying and hiding where we would be to then sneak to a stupid party. And yes, that's what we did constantly: lie to her mother, my father and Taehyung.

Once Hyerin is in the car, we leave the driveway. None of us says a word. However, I turn my head towards her to look at her. She's very serious, and I deduce that her expression is of concern. I know her well enough to distinguish from one look what she's thinking.

We've been best friends since I can remember, even though we don't have similar interests.

We met in high school, and since that moment, nothing has been the same; however, we're very different, like water and oil.

Hyerin is a tall, with light brown hair that likes to wear clothes for parties with heels and shiny things. And me, well, I'm a dark brown haired and short girl that likes to stay home. But my peace ended when when she found this job. Since a few months ago, Hyerin has started to work for a group of clandestine boxers, and she's in charge of handling the bets.

She says she gets money, more than what she needs, but I don't like it, and I also don't approve of what she does.

Before she got into it, I had offered millions of times if she wanted to work for my father at the bar, like how I do after returning from school, but she didn't accept.

Hyerin said that "she felt like if she was stealing my tips".

She knew that I would never feel that way; but she still didn't accept. She thought it was a better idea to work once a week, and to win triple than working a whole month, in a day.

Of course she also put me in that mess. Even though I told her hundreds of times to keep me out of that situation, she made me lie to my father and my boyfriend, telling them that we were "going to study at Hyerin's house."

Taehyung was the first one to believe such a lie... even though my father didn't. He suspected of me instantly, and to my luck, I had to stop going to her house for a few weeks. Of course, as time passed, the trust returned, and my excuse to not go to those fights evaporated.

I felt fatal lying to Taehyung. I could only see him during the weekdays in between school and my part-time job at my father's bar.

I had to spend more time with him, but I couldn't. I knew that we both needed time as a couple, more time alone. Just because when we saw each other, there was always someone in the middle: my father, Hyerin, her friends from school, his parents... It's like if the world was against us when it was about us trying to spend quality time together.

My phone vibrates in my bag and I take it out.

Taehyung:
Hey! How's study night?

I read the message and sigh.

I don't know how long I'll be able to do this, and I also don't want to get him involved. I know that he'll try to protect me and tell my father. And if he finds out, I won't get out easily.

Areum:
Boringgg. I would like to
be with you. :)

I smile with my own emoji. I really want to see him. I would like to lay down next to him and talk for hours, like how we used to.

"Areum." Hyerin says, bringing me back to reality. "Don't tell me you're texting Taehyung... We already talked about not telling him about this situation."

I sigh.

"Calm down, he was just asking me how I was."

"Your boyfriend is worried about you, how sweet." She responds, mocking me.

"You're jealous." I hum with a satisfied smile.

"You have no idea." She lets out sarcastically. "Especially because you've been spending more time with him at his house, he should have it really-"

"Stop, please." I interrupt her. "You know that nothing has happened because-"

"You're not ready yet, I know." She ends my sentence and rolls her eyes. "But I don't get it."

"What?" I say, not understanding.

She shrugs her shoulders.

"You know, how, even though you have someone as hot as Taehyung with you, you're not ready yet."

I want to respond, but I don't want to sound stupid. I've asked myself a lot of times what the reason is as to why we haven't done anything yet. Taehyung is incredible: he's always there for me, he tells me when he wants me and he shows it all the time. However, I know that something lacks in our relationship.

Passion.

Yes, we've kissed and in repetitive occasions, our hands have touched... well, some places, but that's it. We've never went to second base.

"Look, don't get confused, there's girls that start their sexual life before others, and there's nothing wrong with that." She clarifies. "But you tell me that you're in love with him, and I know that he likes you. I'm your best friend, and this worries me."

I nod.

"Yes, I know, it's just... it'll happen soon, I know it will."

And there I was again, lying to myself.

I know that it won't happen because that heat doesn't exist where it should. But I'm embarrassed to tell Hyerin, even though Taehyung is also a close friend of hers.

"Sorry, I didn't want to put you in a bad position, it wasn't my intention." She apologizes.

I shake my head.

"It's not your fault, really. I'm okay."

But I wasn't. I was worried, and a lot. I always asked myself if it was me who felt like that, if nobody else would be able to make me feel that way, or that if there was something wrong with me.

"We're here." Hyerin says with a smile.

I hear Hyerin's door shut closed and I imitate her, getting out of the car, fixing my dress and trying not to trip with the heels. I feel like an idiot wearing this, but what's done is done.

I pray internally for everything to go normally and I walk behind my best friend.

This would be a long night, I could feel it.

a/n: what's your favorite track from the new album?
mine would be between my time and on. but bulletproof the eternal really got me bawling :(