Desire | jjk. *ON HOLD*

18

I can't help but to walk in a slow and lazy pace, like if I never wanted to reach my destination. Because in a way, it was like that; I was horrified of arriving at Taehyung's house, because I knew that doing so meant talking to him about my feelings and... I didn't like that idea at all.

I was planning my break up during the twenty minutes I had on the bus from the clothing store to Taehyung's house.

Everything planned, everything thought out coldly.

I don't even know where to start. I had lied to him, to where I was, to the fact that I'm still in love with him. And like if that wasn't enough, I had cheated on him with Jungkook.

And now that Jungkook has turned something on inside me, I understood everything.

Taehyung wasn't for me. He's a great guy, a sweet and attentive boyfriend, but he always tried to prioritize the things he was, and not what I felt. He had created a relationship based on those things, and not love.

Because I liked him, there's no doubt about that. I liked him from the deepest part of my heart, and I loved spending time with him, and tell each other stories and laugh together. He knew me and understood me like now one else did, and I don't want to hurt him. I hate that idea. But it was time for me to do it. I had to end with this lie, and move forward.

However, when I knock on the door and a smiling Taehyung opens it, my world falls to pieces. His bright smile, which I've seen so many times, breaks my heart. I know that I'll feel destroyed when I see his bright eyes, those who I've stared at for many occasions, filled with sadness and maybe even hate.

"You came fast." He lets out smiling. "Did your father bring you?"

Taehyung leans forward out the door to look for my father's car, but looks at me again when he doesn't find it. Now his eyes analyze my face, and he frowns. I suppose he notices that something weird is happening.

"Is everything okay?" He asks confused. "Did you and Hyerin have a fight again?"

I shake my head.

"No, we're fine."

"I'm glad." He moves away from the entrance to let me inside. "You guys always find a way to make things work out."

His words take me by surprise. I wish that we worked things out too, but my relationship with Taehyung isn't like my relationship with Hyerin at all. Hyerin and I have a connection like friends that simply just happened, it wasn't forced like how it was with Taehyung.

I turn around again to face him and I find him smiling. He has a neutral gaze; I think he knows what I'm going to tell him. It's been a while since we've seen each other, and when we do, it's always brief.

"Are you here to see me or..." He clears his throat. "Do you want to tell me something?"

"I came to talk to you about..." I sit down on the couch, and Taehyung imitates me. The words get stuck in my throat, and I don't know what to say. "I've been lying to you, Taehyung..."

He gasps sarcastically.

"I'm not surprised."

The fear invades me.

He has knows all this time, and didn't tell me anything? Maybe he followed me, or maybe Hyerin told him and didn't tell me anything regarding it...?

"What?" I mumble. "How did you?..."

He laughs.

"Do you really think I'm an idiot, Areum?" I shake my head, and he still smiles. "You always tell me that you're going to study at Hyerin's house, and you always send me messages telling me how much you would rather be with me than with her."

He has always been suspicious, and he never told me anything. How can I be so stupid to think that he wouldn't notice something weird?

My gaze is still firm on his eyes.

"I don't understand, how..?"

"Look I'm not mad." He scoffs. "I just don't like the fact that Hyerin is getting you into trouble."

I frown, confused; the conversation topic has changed so fast, that for a second I think that this might have to do with Hyerin and not me.

"Wait, what are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about how if Hyerin works for a fight club, and drags you with her every Saturday, you have no reason to go." He takes my hand in his. "It hurts me to know that you lied to me, but I'm also happy that you finally decided to talk to me about it."

I look at our interlocked hands. I thought my confused expression might give me away, but it doesn't. Taehyung knew, although I don't know how, about Hyerin's work. He doesn't look upset at all, and if I say what I'm really thinking, it might hurt him more. I feel like a complete coward, but I don't say anything. I wrap my arms around him and he hugs me back in a warm hug. Being there feels like being at home, and I needed that.

I'm still lying to him, but it doesn't matter. The idea of breaking up with him a few minutes ago sounded like a good idea, but right now it feels stupid; I don't think I'll be able to live without him... I need him with me, and I know that once what we have ends, there won't be any room for friendship.

"I love you, Areum, and I don't want there to be secrets between us." He whispers next to my ear.

I feel unable to respond to that, and my heart actually hurts. Before he notices, tears have filled my eyes, and they start to descend slowly down my cheeks. I close my eyes and I try to fill my mind with the good memories, and all the sweet things that Taehyung once told me.

"I'm sorry, really, I'm so sorry. " I cry. "I didn't want to do it... I'm a liar. I'm the worst girlfriend in the world."

"Hey, calm down, I know that you were just trying to protect Hyerin."

"No, I was wrong..." I respond, without being able to stop crying. "I was stupid, and I lied, I should've never done it, I-"

"It's okay, everything is fine." He hugs me tighter. "Now that I know, things will be different."

I shake my head and cry.

"Of course not, because I lied to you."

He sighs.

"Remember the time I told you I would study at home, but instead, I went out with my friends to watch a movie?"

"Yes..." I whisper.

"Well, you found out and got mad at me because I lied to you." He tells me.

"That was a long time ago."

"Yes but, I remember I told you that if you ever lie to me, that I would forgive you like how you forgave me." His words hurt me. "So I forgive you, Areum, really."

"Thank you." My words sound broken because if the tears.

"I'll always be here for you." He gives me a soft kiss on lips. "Never forget that."

I smile at him. And deep inside, I know that I won't be able to do it.