A Night to Remember

Craving and Pain

Zelle POV

I woke up with the feeling in need to eat something. My stomach hurts and I automatically caress my baby bump.

"Sorry anak huh, pati ikaw nadadamay sa ginagawa ni mommy, I'm sorry ah" napaluha ako nang sabihin ko yun.
Bumangon ako at bumaba ng kusina. Napakatahimik na ng paligid. Napatingin ako sa oras sa cellphone ko.

2:03 ng madaling araw. Kaya naman pala gutom na gutom na ako. I skip my lunch and dinner today. And I know napakasama kong ina sa part na yun. I should not be carried away sa nga nangyayari sa akin. I should always prioritize my child's health.

Nagbukas ako ng ref and luckily my fresh milk pa kong nakita. Nagsalin ako sa baso at ininum yun kasabay ng pagkain ko ng toasted bread.

After eating that; I crave for something more. I don't want to eat rice dahil its not that I don't like the food but the person who gave it. I sighed, here I am again, sabi ko na ngang wag magpaapekto dun eh.

I was about to eat rice but I really lose my appetite, parang ayoko talaga ng kanin. I want something sour and sweet.

The thought of eating sour food, makes me crave for green mangoes. Naghanap ako sa ref pero wala ng stock. Tyler usually stock some fruits in the refrigerator pero ubos na ata.

Naiiyak na ako kasi nagugutom talaga ako and I really want to eat mangoes.

Saan nga ba ako kukuha nun? I really want to eat. Should I ask One of them to buy me some at this hour. Pero kasi nakakahiya na knowing nasa kasarapan ng tulog ang mga ito.

What if  I just go buy all by my self? I can use one of there cars. Pero once na ginawa ko yun baka  magising sila. And that's the least thing I don't want to do. I know kasagsagan ng tulog nila.

So I came up with a decision that I just go by myself. Sa may kanto na lang din ako mag-antay ng grab. Di naman din kalayuan ang Alabang Market.

Kumuha ako ng jacket at scarf para ipang balabal sa katawan ko. When I finally ready I go out silently. Para akong magnanakaw na ayaw makalikha ng kahit anong ingay. I don't want to disturb them. As well as I don't want to be a burden to them. Being pregnant  and craving for something is the worst part of the stage specially when you don't have a husband who will look for it in the middle of the night. I have to bear with it. It seems kasi kapag nagcrave ka parang ikamamatay mo hangga't hindi mo talaga nakakain.

I successfully manage to go out without making noise. Sinalubong ako ng hampas ng malamig na hangin. Napahawak ako sa jacket na suot ko. The sky was clear and stars glitters. Napangiti ako sa buwan nang makitang parang nakangiti din siya sa akin. The night is peaceful. I still remember the times wherein I spent my time in the terrace at our house just to stargazing. It seems like, sky at night calms me. It brings me happiness and gentleness.

Binuksan ko ang phone ko, and hurriedly go to the grab app. Ang hirap lang maghanap dahil for sure tulog din sila. Kung meron man kung hindi stuck sa traffic ang layo naman sa vicinity. I sighed and maybe siguro itutulog ko na lang ito. Maybe hindi para sa akin ang mangga today. If ever I crave for my mangga tom. sisiguraduhin kong bukas hindi lang isang kaing ang bibilhin ko.  That word hit me, wala na pala akong pera!!!

I don't know if it just the effect of being pregnant pero bigla na lang tumulo yung luha ko. A sudden realization that I'm not be able to buy mangoes since there's no grab driver available this time, The moment I realize na wala na pala akong pera and most of all yung nagcrecrave ka for something but there's no person who will buy the food you crave for.

I was like that for about a minute or two. Hindi ko nagawang pumasok sa bahay dahil nanghihina ako at nilalamig pa. Also I'm still crying and they might heard my sob.