CLOSED FOR CRITIQUES!!! [closed]

Punching In A Dream - A story by @mochabee

Review-

To start off, I just want to say that your style of writing is unique. I have never read something like that before and it was kind of a pleasant surprise. The plot is seemingly original but I find it kind of cliche. You can make it better by maybe making a huge tragic scene or something original.

The ending: "She's selfish. But she is just the cash register girl, so what can anyone do about it?"

No offense but I don't really like the ending of the first chapter. It needs to be a cliffhanger and needs to make the reader want to read more. Yours didn't want me to read more. I know I'm kind of harsh but I'm just saying my opinion. Maybe you can add a cliffhanger like I said before or something.

I kind of got confused as I was reading. I don't know what was going on. You were describing scenes as you were describing what was happening way too much! You know what I mean? I think maybe you should seperate them into different paragraphs or something...

Here is your rating:

Rating: 6.2 / 10

I didn't spot any spelling or grammar mistakes so that's good! I hope you keep writing! Good luck!