CLOSED FOR CRITIQUES!!! [closed]

The Extra - A story by @theflawed

Review-

Wow! I loved the start of you chapter. I was so hooked!

The only things that caught my eye is that some of your sentences were really long. Here is an example:

"Where as every wall of my room was covered in books, diaries and other valuable items I had but there were no photo's of my family, apart from Dom, he was the closest I had to family if you didn't have Mr and Mrs Sparrow." - The Extra, Chapter 1, Page 2.

I think that that sentence above is way too long. And if you accidentally made a full stop into a comma, you should check your story over and over again before you post.

I like the way you made your story into paragraphs. I also liked how you described everything so vividly. It was like I was in her shoes. Here is your rating:

Rating: 9.3 / 10

Overall this story was really good! I would highly recommend this to my friends and I hope you keep writing! Good luck!