bughead_stories

WHY DO YOU DO THIS!

This one is reqeusted by, little_rose_27 sorry that it took so long.

Betty p.o.v
I promised to myself that I wouldn't do this again. That i would stop with this. That i would talk to Juggie about this, i promised myself that I would get better.

But it is hard to get better when nobody arounds you helps you, or even wants you to get better. Because if they have to help you, that means that they need to stop being busy with themselves for longer then a minute.

So here i am again, crying in my bathroom sitting on the floor while my back is resting against the hot tub. And off course i feel the pain in my tighs where i just made 4 scrathes with my blade. But the biggest pain i feel is not the pain in my left bleeding tigh. It is in my whole body.

The pain i feel right now by just breathin, by just living is much bigger then the feeling of how my skin stings when i put the blade on it. So it try to think of something else then the pain in my body, in my mind. I set my mind to the pain in my tigh.

I let my brain focus on the sound of my blood dripping from my now cold leg to the also cold bathroom floor. I watch as a part of the floor get coverd with little spots of red. It is as red as a red rose in the flower feeld. It is almost beautiful.

But then i think why i am sitting here, it is because of me. Because i couldn't handle it annymore. Because i needed relieve again. I promise Jughead that i stopped cutting.

Because when he found out 3 weeks ago he was so sad. He didn't let me alone for 2 whole weeks. But after i promised him like 200 time i wpuldn't do this again he finally let me sleep alone. And I stopped cutting for 1 week.

But after that week of not bating thw pain annymore i decided i would do it again. So here i am now still in my bathroom, not crying but tears still fall on my cheek. It was to much for me. It is to much for me.

But then i was trown back in real life when the door was pushed open, and my beautiful boyfriends face is to be seen. Normally i would smile at him, but i am not in the right stand of mind right now. Normally i would panic that he sees this.

That he sees the truly broken gorl i am. That he sees that i didn't kept my promise. But al i am tryin to do now is push my mind back in trans. to not let the pain flood right back in. To just have a peacefull minute. But of course Jughead  didn't know that i did this to stop my inner pain for as long as i could.

He thinks that i do thos to end my life. And he panics so he does what any other human does when he or she is in total panic. They get mad. Betty STOP. he yells at me and trows himself at me. He grabs te razot i hald tightly in hand and picked me up.

He closed the bathroom door and pushed me gently on the bed. I have no clue on what to say, so i just stare at him in the eyes. I feel more tears fall on my cheeks. He sighs and pulls his hands to his beanie and pulls it of, so that he can play with his hair. What he always does when he is mad, sad or nervous.

"Betty you promised you wouldn't do that again". He says to me after he finishes in slience to clean my cuts. I just nod and look down at my perfect pink painted toe nails. And thats when i decided to speak up, "I know I did juggie" I say quietly.

"Betty why would you do this again. I don't think you get it. You're hurting me too when you hurt youreselve. He says now more mad at me. Well not mad but frustated and really sad" Then i start to realise that i hurt my juggie. That wasn't my intention.

"I am so sorry Juggie. I just, i... i couldn't nadle it annymore. Every time i close my eyes i see my sister again. Laying lifeless on her bed, i can still hear the crying pf Juniper and Dagwood. I can still see the dead look in my sisters eyes. The afraid eyes of junipair, the sadness behinde the eyes of dagwood. I don't know what to do". I say to him now standing up.

"I get that Betty but why won't you just talk to me. He says whil crabbing my hands. I shrug my shoulders. Because i honestly don't know, because this is maybe the easy way then confronting the trauma. Then confronting the real pain, this is easier". I say to him finally maating his eyes that show not anger annymore, but pure sadness

"Betty suicide is not the" awnser. He says to me while stroking my cheek. And with that i stand up, and decide to speak to him.

"No jughead you can't say something like that. You don't get it. Even tho you say you do. You don't. You get the feeling of sadness but do you know the feeling of pain. Not the pain you feel when you fell. But the pain you feel when someone hurts you with words. When soembody dies. I feel that pain every day. Every minute of the day, i feel a pain in my whole body. And this is the only thing that stops the pain. Even if it just is for 6 minutes, it's worth it"

When i finished my talk i have tears streaming down my face. But when i look up i see that Jughead also has tears on his cheek.

"please let me help you Betty. Let me help you deal with the pain. I don't know how, but at least let me try. I want to help you, because if you hurt you're self you also hurt me"

He says to me after us just staring each other for a pretty ling time. When he said that i also hurted him something broke in my heart. I never really tought about how others felt when i cut myself, i only tought at my pain. And i dont know why but i nod at him.

For juggie i will try to stop, i will try to less the pain in other ways. I will talk about my traumas and pain, i will do this for Juggie. Because i love him, and there is nothing i wouldn't do for Juggie. Even if this means that i have to work hard for it. Because i am gonna need to.

"But i will do it for you juggie"

And with that i end it there. What do you think, reqeusts are always open. Also i will do a lot of you're reqeusts but i can't do them all because simply i just don't like every idea. Sorryxx.
But i try to do more reqeusts and to update more, so as in 3 or 4 times a week. Hope you're happy with that.

1246 words bitchesss