Ineffable Husbands Oneshots

Hiking Trip

Crowley scowled at the back of his husband's head. Just this morning he was tending to his garden and drinking coffee. Their new home was located in South Downs and Aziraphale felt like going for a hike.

'It'll be fun, he said. You'll have a great time, he said.' Crowley thought to himself bitterly. He smacked his forehead where another mosquito decided to bite. 'Why are we hiking anyways? The view's just as nice from the house.'

Azi felt the demon's angry eyes on him. Looking back, he shot a smile at his beloved. "Don't you just love the fresh air?"

Crowley glared at him. "No."

Azi sighed internally. "My dear, you do realize that this is a marvelous experience. Many humans do this all the time for fun!"

"We're not humans, are we?" The rhetorical question was asked in such a venomous tone, Crowley slightly regretted it.

Azi stopped in his tracks and spun to face the demon. "No, but if you keep complaining, we won't be going home anytime soon."

Crowley muttered swears under his breath and glared at the ground.

"I'm glad we understand each other. Shall we continue?" Azi continued up the slope.

————

An hour later, Crowley flopped onto the ground. It was hot, he was sweating, and mosquitoes decided that he was all of their meals. He had about 20 bites scattered on his arms and legs. The bloody things could bite through his skin right pants.

Azi walked a few more feet before realizing his missing husband. Turning to see the demon laying on the ground, he let out an exhausted sigh. "My dear, is that really necessary?"

Crowley let out a groan. "I'm not going any further, Angel." He let out an aggravated yell when another insect bit his neck. "I swear to Satan, if one more of you bites me, I will exterminate your entire species!"

"They need to feed darling." Azi softly said.

"Then why haven't you been bitten?" Crowley was still shouting in exasperation.

"Probably because I sprayed bug repellent on. I told you to put some on, but you insisted you didn't need it." Azi explained.

Crowley facepalmed at his own stupidity. "I forgot about that."

"Well if you're really not up to it, we can head back." Azi stated. He figured that Crowley was just tired.

"Like I said, I'm not walking anymore."

"Fine. I'll just leave you here. Have fun!" Azi stepped over Crowley's body and headed home.

Crowley thought it was a bluff, so he closed his eyes and ended up dozing off. When he came to, he noticed it was dark and he was alone, well not completely alone. A deer stood and stared at him a few feet away, silently judging him.