Ineffable Husbands Oneshots

Blind Date

Gabriel paced in the demon Crowley's living room. Said demon was watching, amused at the Archangel's panic. Aziraphale had finally gotten sick of his higher up and his pacing.

"Enough." Azi bellowed, shocking both archangel and demon. "Just breathe and you'll do fine." He walked over, straightening his shirt. He brushed off invisible dirt off the archangel's white jacket and smiled. "They're gonna love you."

"I hope." Gabriel had been signed up to a human dating app by the two and had matched fairly quickly.

Crowley, sitting on their throne as gay as possible, put their two cents in. "Ya know, some of these people on there are crazy. I'm talking about stalkers , nice guys and girls, axe murderers."

"Love, you're not helping." Azi shot daggers at his spouse.

"It's true." Crowley argued.

"Alright. This is getting ridiculous. You two, especially you demon, are no help." Gabriel stopped pacing, looking at his watch. "Shit. I'm late." He sped walk out of the flat.

"Good luck!" Azi yelled.

"He's gonna fuck it up." Crowley stood stretching.

"Probably." Azi wrapped his arms around Crowley's neck. "Now, where were we?"

-------

Gabriel arrived five minutes late and entered the restaurant out of breath. "Um, I'm here for a date."

"Name, please." The hostess spoke in a very bored tone.

"Um, Gabe." Gabriel stated. He anxiously looked at the tables.

"Ah, yes. Follow me." She led him to the very back corner. Someone sat there, face hidden by the menu. "Here you are. Your waiter will be with you momentarily."

Gabe sat down. A moment later his date showed their face. "You!?" They both yelled in unison, quieting the entire restaurant. A heartbeat and the usual chatter picked back up.

"What the hell?" Gabe looked bewildered at the demon lord in front of him.

"Those two set us up apparently." Bee crossed their arms, leaning back. "Anyways, you're late."

"Those two held me up." Gabe muttered. "How in the world did those two dumbasses set us up?" At this, his cell vibrated. Checking the screen, he read the message aloud. "Hey! Enjoy yourselves. It's on us. And don't mess it up. A." Putting the phone back in his pocket, he sighed. "Well, I suppose we should enjoy ourselves."

"Yeah, whatever." Bee grumbled.

------

Two hours later and both were drunk walking down the street, bumping into each other. "Shit. I am so wasted." Bee stumbled, giggling as they held onto Gabe for dear life. "We should do this more often."

"Yeah. We gotta - gotta just forget, our, um, our duties. We just gotta run off together." Gabe swayed.

"Nah. The idiots won't know what to do with themselves. We're the only smart ones." Bee mumbled. Gabe nodded in agreement. "Where we going anyways?" Bee asked.

"No clue. I'm going to heaven to sober up." Gabe shrugged. He disappeared, leaving Bee to face plant on the ground.

"Jackass." They grumbled, heading back to hell.

A month later, the two were officially dating, though in secret. Azriaphale and Crowley celebrated the success of their plan with a night filled with alcohol and love. Bee and Gabe never did thank them though.