Seventeen

6 - More

Okay, maybe I lied.

The tattoo of regret was something I that I once thought was, well, shameful, when other people see it. Those douchebags on the streets couldn't really care less, you know? They have eyes, of course they do, but your image isn't permanent in their heads forever. A millisecond glance doesn't have to bother my nerves.

So yeah, I think the tattoo is kinda cool.

Maybe too cool that I took more than just glitter and poison.

I watch intently as the person in front of me rolled a strange sheet of paper. I mean, damn, when did rolling paper look so satisfying? Am I okay? Why am I even here? What am I doing? Crazy to think that my parents could literally arrive to come pick me up at any fucking moment, but I was in the moment, so I took it to my own hands and grabbed one for myself.

Folding, rolling, sealing, lighting. And so it goes. At this point, you already know what I'm talking about. I mean, shit, I've been calling drugs as glitter and alcohol as poison, might as well be blunt... Literally.

The wonders of smoking, something that I never really understood, includes looking cool when you do it in a parking lot while wearing clothes from the thrift store. Smoking while riding a bicycle is cute, but smoking while driving with your windows down is on a different level. Smoking while having glass of whatever your poison is, well, it looks kinda cool when you're doing it all by yourself in a bar.

I still don't fucking understand it, but here I am, facing the world with a stick on my fingers, smoke leaving my lips as life turns to shit. My throat is fucking burning and it feels like I need to slow down my breathing. Or maybe I can't breathe anymore. Maybe I'm not even here anymore.

The familiar taste of rum and coke hit my tongue as I drifted off of my daydream. Again, I was in a party, but this time I was five cities away from home, maybe six if I was sober enough to know where I was. I never expected this from me at all, but I just wanted more, more, more. Everything is just too fucking fun that I just laugh even if it hurts. I wanted more, but I know, I just know.

- "More", October 7th