Seventeen

24 - Breathe

My room had always been my breathing space, but during such a time of emergency, I feel caged to stay here.

I live in a ghost town where no one is outside at all times, stores are closed, the signs are down, and the lights are off at night. I have not seen the outside world in two weeks now, nearly three, with the only memory I have of it is the way I used to hate being outside while everyone else is.

Now, no one ever is.

About a week ago, I was anxious about everything that was happening outside of my breathing space. The words that I didn't want to hear were being played over and over again on the telly, and the rest of the world was in panic. Truth be told, I was doing the exact same, panicking with everybody else as the media fed us with disappointing headlines and clickbait news articles online. The supermarkets were beginning to look empty and health workers were showing signs of restlessness, but the world still stands, the sun still shines from my bedroom window, even now.

Sweat was dripping down from my arms to the yoga mat as I kept myself calm and collected, the music from my speakers were loud, but not too loud for me to not hear the interval timer from my phone. I had been taking care of myself physically for the past week, working out every other day to ease the stress of not being able to go to my dance sessions because of the pandemic. I inhaled, my legs beginning to shake as I held onto the final seconds of my two-minute plank, the final stage of my workout routine coming to an end as I exhaled, letting my body sink onto the ground as the interval timer beeped for the last time. My muscles started to relax, my heart started to pound slower, and my soul started to let go the weight of the world.

My initial thought after a workout would be texting someone. Usually, it would be my cousin who lives in the other side of the world, my best friend who lives in the outskirts of town, or my lover who lives two cities away. Checking in with the most important people in my life had been hard, not knowing what to say while the world is in panic, and I was never really the type of person who would be comforting during times like this. I was usually the one panicking, but for some reason, it changes.

I have learned how to breathe in the middle of my chaos, and somehow, the air isn't exactly clear, but manageable. I think I'll be okay, as long as I breathe.

Please keep living, breathing, giving, loving. I'll see you when all of this is over.

–"Breathe", March 24